Paths To Entwine
by AylenBc
Summary: It's been years since the Cullens vanished from Bella's life. Now living in the cloudy city of Buffalo at the age of twenty-six, she's more than content with her life, spending her days doing what she loves the most. But when someone from her past returns and brings her a warning, Bella finds herself standing at crossroads of choices and decisions once again. AU, Bella x Carlisle
1. What The Day Brings

**The Twilight Saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer, not me. I'm simply twisting and modifying her story a bit. I'm blaming my obsession that just happens to be called Carlisle Cullen. I don't own him, either; Stephenie Meyer enjoys the bliss of owning him. I have huge respect for her writing and all the characters she created for us to enjoy.  
**

**After finishing my first story, my intention was to take a long break and not even think about writing another one in a while. Well, I managed two days, and somehow I found myself in front of my computer again ._. This story will be a little different than my first one. It's obviously still AU, and also takes place years after the events of Bella's birthday party in New Moon, just like in my last story. I wanted to explore Bella's character more, and instead of writing her as insecure, depressed young girl, I wanted to do something different this time. I also try to avoid repeating the plot line of my last story - it's surprisingly challenging, but I intend to find a way to make the story interesting and suitably exciting. **

**English is not my native language, and that's why I have to apologize in advance for any possible mistakes in the grammar. Every day I learn something new or notice something I hadn't realized before. This language is beautiful, and I hope that someday I can write it as flawlessly as possible. Well, maybe not that flawessly - that's just unrealistic. And kind of boring.**

**At first I intended to finish the story before publishing any of the chapters, but I just couldn't wait. I've got a few chapters written already, but I'm nowhere near finishing the story, not to mention editing the few chapters I've managed to write. I'll promise to try to post regularly enough, maybe once a month. I have an extremely busy summer ahead of me and at the moment I'm not sure how much time I have for writing, but I promise I'll do my best and try not to let the time between the updates stretch too much.**

**Without further ramblings, here's the summary: The story takes place approximately eight years after Bella's birthday party in New Moon. Bella hasn't heard any of the Cullens since then, and she's moved on with her life, now living in the city of Buffalo in the state of New York. At the age of twenty-six, she's more than content with her life, spending her days doing what she loves the most. A bookstore of her own added to a suitably calm and comfortable life equals a pattern she's completely satisfied with. Until one day...**

**Pairing: Bella/Carlisle**

**Rating: M for later chapters**

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**_We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. _**

**_Words are secondary. _**

**_Thoughts live; they travel far._**

- Swami Vivekananda -

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**What The Day Brings**

My eyes danced along the black letters printed on the page. I absorbed every word my eyes read, allowing my imagination to paint out the image. Words had the tendency to create those; there was almost something mystic about it. It was strange how a simple sentence could make the shivers dance up your spine, to conjure up emotions in a way you least expected. Words had the power to leave an impression. They had a certain way to influence your way of thinking. They had the propensity to linger in your mind even to the point when it became impossible to forget them.

Words left behind scars, impressions, images – but more importantly, they left behind feelings. Emotions that had no way to be born without hearing the words first. Or without reading them. Or writing them. Or remembering them.

I closed the cover of the book with a smile, brushing my finger against the spine. After reading the name of the book once more, I placed it on the small holder in front of me, making sure it was straight. Glancing up, I looked out of the wide display window of the store, watching the flow of people passing by. One or two of them stopped to study the books I had arranged behind the glass more closely, but eventually they continued on their way without bothering to step inside the small bookstore.

I suppressed a sigh, allowing a small wave of disappointment to wash over me. Then I left the feeling behind, crouching beside a large cardboard box. It was full of copies of the new book that had gotten my interest a few weeks ago. The batch I had ordered had arrived today. I had heard a lot of good things about the book, and I certainly hoped I wasn't the only one interested in reading it. Maybe someone equally enchanted by words was on his way right now to buy a copy.

If not – well, I suppose I had to sell them all in discount price. Again.

I kept arranging the books, changing the ones that had sat behind the display window for the past week and replacing them with different ones. I couldn't help but be a little biased when it came to the books adorning the window and luring in the customers; I always tended to put my favorites on display.

Opening a new box, I pulled out a thin book with dark blue covers. _What the day brings_, was its name. Realizing I hadn't actually read this one yet, I put one of the copies aside, deciding to delve into it as soon as I had the time. I exchanged the book with the one that had been sitting behind the window for the past days, silently beginning to hum as I worked. The names of the books kept flashing before my eyes as I read the covers – _Endings and Beginnings, Returning Past, _and _Destined _– before placing them on the metallic holders.

Then I exited the store to check that the row looked nice and orderly from outside. I tried to see the window from the possible customer's point of view, trying to estimate if the store looked inviting in my eyes. Looking through the window, I saw the familiar sight of towering bookshelves filling the space. The store wasn't overly big with an unlimited collection of literature like you saw in some places. More likely it could be described with words like small and intimate – _homelike_.

I loved everything about the small store. I loved every old wooden shelf, every book that rested on them – even the ones I hadn't had the chance to read yet – and I even loved the huge spider under the counter I was still too afraid to kill. I loved it all, and it was mine to love.

It hadn't always been mine – only for a little while. But even when I had set my foot into the small building on the day I had begun to work here, I had known that someday I wanted to spend all of my days in a place like this. I hadn't known that the wish could come true someday, and certainly not in this way. I hadn't known that one day, instead of just working here, I actually got to call the place my own.

I had always had the tendency to live sparingly – it was a trait I now found myself grateful of. After high school and college and saving a little money on the side, I had decided to pack my bags and take a year or two off to travel. Charlie had been against it – he had insisted that I either study more or get a proper job, but luckily I hadn't listened. Renée had been more positive about my little plans – I wouldn't expect any less from her because of the adventurous nature she possessed - and she had even agreed to support me financially. I suppose she remembered better than Charlie what it was like to be young and thirsty for experiences. Her gesture had been very sweet, but I had refused to take her money, saying that this was something I had to do all on my own. I didn't know why it had felt so important. I suppose after years of living under certain rools and expectations, I had just wanted to be on my own for a while. To decide where to go and what to do without anyone telling me. It might have been some sort of pursuit of independence, although it had taken a while for me to admit it.

"You can be on your own without traveling around the world," Charlie had said me on the phone, still disagreeing with my thoughts. I hadn't felt the need to get upset because of it. He had been simply worried, probably maddening himself with all the possible dangers I could get into.

"I'm not traveling around the world," I had answered with a laugh. "Just around the US."

It had been easy to imagine the way Charlie had shaken his head. He had voiced a dozen of other reasons why I shouldn't go, but none of them had been good enough for me.

"Fine," he had eventually sighed. Even through the phone, I had been able to sense his awkwardness as the next words of affection had left his lips. Charlie had never been too good with anything that had to do with feelings and talking. "Just be careful, Bells," he haid said to me with a gruff voice. "Love you."

I had hung up the phone with a smile on my lips. And the next morning, I had said goodbye to Renée and Phil, leaving the beautiful house on the beach that had become my home during my years in college.

The world hadn't disappointed me, and it certainly hadn't forced me to wander for very long to make me realize that maybe experiences were something you shouldn't search – that they'd come along when they did. After a few months of traveling, sleeping in cheap motels and working temporary jobs that didn't pay nearly as much as they should have, I suddenly found myself in the city of Buffalo in the state of New York.

I still remembered the day with perfect clarity. It had been pouring rain, and I had desperately searched for shelter when the lights of the small bookstore had reached my eyes. At first I hadn't been aware that it was a bookstore I had set my foot into – I had thought it to be a pharmacy or a small convenience store of some sort.

The smell had been the first thing I had noticed after shaking the water off my clothes and wiping the raindrops from my face. The smell of paper and ink – it was always something that made the endorphins in my body to begin their dance towards the blood vessels. I had looked around me in the small, quaint store and instantly felt enchanted.

And a few days later after talking to the owner, I had started working there, not knowing how many wonderful years awaited me. How many wonderful moments I'd spend navigating between the old bookshelves, searching for the proper book for a customer and eventually witnessing how happy it made some people to finally find the book they had searched everywhere but hadn't been able to find. I hadn't known that I'd find myself here, years later, in the same place I had accidentally stumbled in on one rainy day.

I hadn't had a clue – but I guess life tended to be that way sometimes. Unpredictable and impossible to plan.

I managed to get along with very little money, only spending it on necessities like food and rent. I began to put aside most of my paychecks, saving as much as I had been able, possibly thinking about more traveling in the future. But almost without noticing, I had begun to like the old city by the huge lake. And more importantly, I had begun to like the small, idyllic bookstore I was spending all my days in. The thought of traveling and even studying had begun to disappear from my mind as the months had passed by, and then the moment had arrived when I had realized that I really didn't want to leave anymore.

The realization had surprised me at first. Mostly because I hadn't thought myself to be able to settle down that easily. After all, I had begun to travel around the continent to test my own wings, to experience constant changes and not because I had been searching for a place to stay. A place to _live_. But later when I had thought about it, I had idly wondered if I had unconsciously craved just that.

I suppose I could say that my pursuit of independence somewhat succeeded. It became much more than a pursuit. It became a life.

And so I had stayed, and it was something I'd never find myself regretting. The years had gone by in a rush, and eventually came the day when the owner of the bookstore – a sweet old lady – decided to retire. I had nearly fallen off the ladder I had been balancing on when she had asked me if I wanted to take her place as the owner. I could still remember the shock and surprise after her words, not able to believe that she offered to sell the place to me. She didn't have children of her own, but I was aware that she had relatives who she could trust to follow after her footsteps. That's why the offer had surprised me that much, and even had made me feel a bit flattered that she had come to me first instead of offering the store to her nieces and nephews.

I considered it as my one last step, as the one missing piece of the puzzle, as I had given her a positive response. I had all my savings to support my decision, and even though they hadn't been quite enough to pay for the entire value of the store at once, I knew I had done the right thing for myself. It had been a scary decision to make, yes, but at the same time nothing had ever felt so right. And I knew myself; I knew what made me happy. This was definitely something that did, and I had decided to hold onto it.

I had never found myself regretting my decision afterwards, even though the money was always tight. I still had some more left to pay for the store, and I knew it'd take a long while until I could manage to pay everything I owed. The books I sold were just enough for me to get by and to pay the scheduled amounts in every two or three months to keep the previous owner happy. Not that she was breathing down my neck because of the remaining amount I had to pay – on the opposite. She was very flexible when it came to money issues, understanding that no one bought a bookstore just like that unless they were rich. I even had a feeling she was happy to have someone as much of a book fanatic as she had been to continue her work. And maybe she was even a little happy to be retired – the last time I had heard from her, she was somewhere in Florida on a vacation, and she had sounded so satisfied about spending time there that I wondered if she ever decided to return to the cloudy city of Buffalo.

All in all, everything was well in my life. Everything was more than well – I felt lucky to be able to wake up everyday and know I got to do something I loved more than anything. Books and reading had always been my passion, but I had never thought I'd someday earn my living by selling them.

Returning from the memories back to the present, I made my way back inside. The small bell above the door jingled as I stepped in – I was very fond of the sound. You rarely saw those bells anymore, and I thought it added its own nice feel to the store.

After arranging the rest of the books on the shelves and taking the empty boxes to the recycling container, I sat down behind the counter, flipping open one of the books I hadn't had the time to finish. Sometimes the days were so busy that I barely had any time to sit down, but on days like these when books didn't seem to interest anyone, I usually made my time pass with reading. I had to know what I was selling to people, after all.

That's what I usually liked to tell myself as an excuse if I began to feel lazy – it'd have been just easier to confess that I simply couldn't keep my fingers away from all the books around me.

The bell above the door jingled suddenly, causing me to glance up from the text to greet the entering customer.

But it wasn't a customer stepping inside – it was someone else. I'd bet the meager money I had on the fact that he wasn't here to buy a book. Because the day I saw him voluntarily taking one in his hand or even browsing through it, I'd dance around the block naked and sing every Christmas song I knew as loudly as I could.

That's how sure I was of it. If it didn't have pictures on it, it was too boring to look at. Smiling fondly at the thought and also at the man who was entering, I set the book aside.

"Adrian," I greeted.

The young man entering the store had short brown hair and eyes that were the same shade of deep brown. He let the door bang closed behind him, stomping across the floor with a grin on his face. I knew that expression – he had something cheeky to say, as always. I estimated that at least half of the things that came out of his mouth were either jokes or otherwise spoken with a tongue in his cheek.

Adrian sauntered closer, casually putting his glove-covered hands in his pockets. "You know," he began, "I'd very much like to talk to you and ask how your day's been and so on, but the line of customers you have in here is so _long_ that I don't know if my turn ever comes."

Tapping my fingers against the counter, I threw him a sour smile. "Very funny," I answered, glancing around in the hopelessly empty store. "It's just one of those days. A little more quiet than usually."

Adrian leaned his elbow against the counter, glancing at the bookshelves and the empty spaces between them. "Quiet, you say?" he asked sarcastically. "Bella, this place is _deserted._"

"It won't be tomorrow," I insisted, walking to the backroom of the store to pour him a cup of coffee.

"Just sayin'," I heard him mumbling. "Maybe it's time you rethink this whole bookstore thing."

"I'm not going to rethink anything," I sighed, walking back to the counter with the coffee. Adrian took it, groaning a small thanks. He looked a bit more tired than usually; I wondered if he had a long day behind him. He was working on a construction site somewhere in the city, and I could bet that he had been awake twice as long as I had today.

"And besides," I continued, my hands searching for the broom out of habit. I sweeped the floors of the store quickly, but there wasn't much to sweep. It really had been a quiet day because the floor was so clean. "You're just jealous because I have a permanent job and you don't."

Adrian began to cough, apparently choking on his coffee. I didn't know if it happened because he was so surprised by my comment or because he was laughing so hard. Although I guessed he was probably laughing – I knew it from experience.

Casting a bored look at his direction, I abandoned the broom and sat behind the counter again, waiting for him to recover from his coughing spell. Smiling sweetly at him all the while he tried to get some air into his lungs, I leaned my chin to my palm, watching his red face with my brow quirked.

We had a strange relationship, Adrian and I. I had known him for a couple of years, and I felt like he had been my friend from the first day I had met him. He was now twenty-seven years old which made him one year older than me. There had once been a time we had been so alike, but not anymore. Most of the time we were like day and night, always bickering and bantering about everything but still getting along very well. We'd had our storms, there was no doubt of it – I still remembered the insane crush I'd had on him soon after I had gotten to know him. The feeling had been mutual, and what had started out as a friendship had become something more as the time had passed. But we had our differences, and later we had learned that the one only thing we really had in common was our stubbornness. It wasn't a good combination. Two persons with the same amount of obstinacy but otherwise fiercely different personalities was a doomed match from the start.

And so the strangers had become friends, friends had become lovers, and eventually lovers had become friends again after realizing that friendship was much easier thing to accomplish and the better option for the both of us. Of course I still cared about Adrian, but anything romatic I had ever felt for him had disappeared a long time ago. It was strange how life kept us learning, constantly throwing something in our way – people, occurences, a bookstore – and that way taught us things about ourselves we hadn't yet been aware of. Something was constantly guiding us to the right direction, but we just failed to see it at first. Like my relationship with Adrian, some things just weren't meant to be. No one had told me that at the beginning, given me a straight advice – I'd had to learn it, just like everything else.

Adrian pushed the coffee cup away, still gasping for breath. "Jealous?" he managed to wheeze. "You think I'm jealous of this? Sitting inside a bookstore from day to day and prevent myself from getting any fresh air – _forever_?"

I rolled my eyes at his comment, knowing he was only teasing me. While he might not be able to understand the passion I had for my work, I knew that deep down he respected me and my bold decision to buy the store. Adrian was one of those people who strove for making things and dreams happen. I hadn't known anyone with the ability to live in the moment like he did.

I reached out to touch his left hand that was covered with the work glove, pulling it off.

"Look at you," I teased, waving the glove that was nearly worn through. "You must have been really actually working there to make these scuff up like this. And here I thought you're just running your mouth out there."

Adrian bridled, shaking his head. "Nah," he said. "It's too noisy for any mouth running. That's why I need to discharge all this pent-up sarcasm on you."

"Lucky me," I smiled, giving the glove back to him. "How many weeks do you have left?"

"Only two or three," Adrian smiled, shrugging. "And then..." he paused for effect, "these gloves are coming off for the last time."

"You do realize you sound like you're going to beat someone up instead of just celebrating the ending of your job?"

"It's not my _job_," Adrian disagreed, stretching the last word. "This was only temporary. You know, one last little suffering before the actual fun begins. You gotta pay your dues."

I smiled at his choice of words, suddenly a little sad. "I can't believe you're really leaving."

Adrian quirked his brow. "If you really miss me that much, why don't you come with me?"

Laughing, I took the empty coffee cup that sat on the counter, going to the backroom to rinse it. "Yeah, right," I murmured. "You don't even know where you're going yet."

"I don't. That's the best part."

I shook my head, smiling. Turning to look at Adrian, I realized he hadn't changed a bit from the day I had first met him all that time ago. He was still that same bundle of energy he had been even then, never able to stay still. He never accepted a job that lasted longer than two months, claiming that he'd die out of boredom if he did. He needed constant changes in his life, and the thought of settling down simply horrified him. These past three or so years he had been spending here, in the uneventful city of Buffalo, was probably his personal record when it came to living somewhere. It was a wonder he had been able to stay so long in one place – it was even a bigger wonder he hadn't gone out of his mind.

I suppose that's why I had liked him so much when I had met him. I had seen a lot of myself in him back then. But while Adrian had stayed the same all these years, I hadn't. Had I been like him by my nature – or if I hadn't gone through that mysterious process of changing and growing – who knows. I might still be together with him, and we'd be probably be traveling around the world even right now.

The thought didn't make me awfully melancholy. I knew the path I must walk, and I knew it wasn't the same path Adrian had in front of him.

"Of course I'll miss you," I answered, walking back to him, beginning to put out the lights and preparing to close the store. "But I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. And you know it, too."

Suddenly Adrian didn't even try to crack a joke. It was very unlike him. "Yeah," he murmured quietly. "I know."

We stood there for a while, two persons who had once been so alike, but had found that the years had changed only the other. It made me realize that Adrian hadn't changed simply because he didn't have to. The man I had met over three years ago had already been the person who he was supposed to be. He hadn't changed and grown because he had already been there. It had been _me_ who had lacked that certain knowledge about myself; it had been me who had needed to grow and change, to become the person I was supposed to be.

And I had. I thought about the girl who had packed her bags after graduating college, only with her mother's encouragements and her father's warnings in her ears. Smiling at the memory, I wondered how different my life would be if I hadn't stubbornly decided to leave that day.

Would I have continued studying, started up a career and maybe met someone down the road? Would I be living somewhere far away from this city I had grown such a liking to? Would I have a house and a family instead of the small, cheap apartment and the old bookstore? Would I fall asleep every night next to someone instead of chasing dreams all alone?

I didn't know. But lacking the answer to all those questions didn't really bother me. I couldn't imagine my life to be any different from this. I was happy, despite all the things that someone else would claim were missing from my life. Family, love – those things were something that simply felt so faraway. I had never dreamed about having children but I also hadn't denied the possibility of having them if the time happened to come some day. My feelings were rather neutral about the whole matter.

And what came to love... I felt like I simply had poor luck with it. Eventually it was easy to accept the fact that maybe love was simply something that wasn't meant for me. It didn't sadden me – not really. And it certainly didn't make me feel like I was missing something.

Because I felt like I was living my own ideal. It wasn't some overly planned, carefully thought out and precisely defined life; it was my own, and I had made it. Not planned it, because you didn't plan a life you wanted to live. You just had to live it without making it feel like a task. Because life wasn't some sort of a performance or an exam you had to pass with straight A's.

Putting out the rest of the lights but leaving on the ones lighting up the display window, I turned to Adrian, checking my pockets for my keys. On the last minute I remembered to lock up the cash register, putting aside the receipts and writing down what I had managed to earn today. The small amount made me grimace – it really had been a quiet day. I liked to keep a precise record of my incomes and expenses, even though the numbers were sometimes depressing and didn't always look as good as they should have. But I had learned not to stress too much about it. Things always had the tendency to work out on their own. This week might be quiet, but the next one would be better. It always was. People would never stop reading books – it was one of those things that simply never changed.

"Are you ready to go?" Adrian asked, making his way to the door. I nodded, grabbing my coat and following him outside. The air was getting cooler, and I lifted up my collars as I shut the door behind me, trying the handle to make sure it was locked.

Before continuing down the sidewalk, I glanced one more time at the brightly-lit display window, once more reading the names of the books I had earlier arranged behind it. _What the day brings, Endings and Beginnings, Returning Past _and...

"_Destined,_" Adrian whispered with a dramatic tone, tapping the window with his forefinger.

I smacked his arm, otherwise ignoring his teasing. There was something in the names of those books that had shivers running up my spine. That's why I had chosen to put them up. I couldn't grasp the strange feeling, however, and I couldn't explain it even though I wanted. Maybe I wasn't supposed to; they were words, after all. They conjured up images, impressions, feelings... things that weren't supposed to be described verbally.

I turned away from the window, trying to shake away the peculiar feeling. But when I noticed that I couldn't get rid of it, I simply carried it with me, allowing the shivers to dance up and down my spine.

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**AN: **And there you go. I have to say it was rather effortless to write this chapter. I've always wanted to write Bella like this, as a person with self-confidence and integrity. There's some information in this chapter about Bella's life before she came to Buffalo, and I'm sure some of you wondered why there was no mention of Edward or the other Cullens. The reason is that Bella simply didn't feel need to include any of them in her inner rambling. I wanted the reader to know that she's rarely thinking about the Cullens; the time she spent with them in Forks is simply something she's left behind. There will be some self-reflection in the upcoming chapters that deals with this topic and her feelings concerning the Cullens' abrupt departure from her life.

Adrian was someone I absolutely wanted to add to the story to let the reader know that what happened with Edward didn't traumatize Bella in any way. Despite what happened after she fell in love for the first time, she doesn't feel the need to guard her heart and be afraid of relationships. Her luck with the love department hasn't been too good so far, but she doesn't let it chain her in any way. She accepts the fact that love may be something that isn't meant for her, but at the same time she's not totally against it in a way a person with commitment issues might be.

Let me know what you think!


	2. Returning Past

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)**

**AN: Thank you for the wonderful reviews, I'm so excited to hear the first chapter caught your interest! Hopefully the second one hooks you even more... ;)**

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**_"No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected."_**

- Julius Caesar -

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**Returning Past**

"I'll walk you home," Adrian offered, glancing at the evening sky and probably searching for any signs of rain. The end of October was nearing quickly, and it wouldn't have surprised me if I suddenly had to regret the fact that I had forgotten my umbrella at my apartment this morning.

"You know you don't have to," I answered, turning my back on the bookstore and the brighty-illuminated display window. "I know how early your mornings are. You're probably tired."

Adrian shook his head, smirking. I had to wonder where he got all that energy. "I'm glad to do it," he insisted. "It's getting dark soon and I don't want you to get into any trouble."

"I walk this same route every day," I gave a laugh, shaking my head at his worry. "And so far no one has tried to kill me even though I always walk alone."

Our steps took us through the park that was located beside Lake Erie. I watched the restless waves racing with each other and stopped as I saw a small gap appearing to the thick veil of clouds. The setting sun peeked through it, far away near the horizon.

"It's still not wise of you to walk all alone to the store and back home every day," Adrian disagreed. "You should get a car or use the bus or something."

"I can afford neither," I murmured distractedly, not paying much attention to his ranting. I poked Adrian with my elbow so he'd fall silent and watch the beautiful scenery as long as it lasted.

"And besides, how on earth do you think you're able to move away if you're already worrying about me?" I asked, giving a small laugh as I watched the light dancing on the restless waves.

"I don't know," Adrian admitted, shrugging. "I suppose I have to trust you to take care of yourself. You kind of have to because I don't know if I'll ever come back."

I glanced at his face. The light of the setting sun reflected from his dark brown eyes. "I'll look after myself," I promised. "I always have. You've never hovered over me before and if you start now, I swear I'll be the one to put you on the bus or on the train or on the boat or whatever transportation you're going to use to get out of this tedious town you hate so much."

"I'll take the bus," Adrian grinned, now beginning to sound like himself again. "Although, a boat is not such a bad idea... Or hey! A canoe!"

I sighed, wondering if I had accidentally made myself accountable for his death when he drowned.

The sun hid behind the clouds again, but I could see the faint orange light filtering through the grey veil. I silently fretted that I didn't have a camera with me. The sun was a rare sight in a cloudy city like this. Even _faint_ sunlight that was barely visible through the clouds was a rare sight.

I clutched the railing that rimmed the long walkway and prevented from anyone falling into the lake. The metal was cold under my palms and I shuddered, fumbling to close the zipper of my coat. The weather was really getting cold. The fall was nearing rapidly – there was no denying of that.

I allowed myself a moment to look away from the fading light filtering through the clouds. Another shudder rippled through me, but this time it felt somehow different. I wondered if I was coming down with a cold. I certainly hoped not.

I glanced at my left, my lips about to open to suggest Adrian that we should continue on our way; I wanted to go home. But something stopped me before the words escaped. I narrowed my eyes in the dim light of the late afternoon as something suddenly caught my attention.

It was a figure standing in the shadows of a small birch tree several dozen yards away. I was about to turn my gaze away, thinking that someone else had been admiring the short apperance of the sun as well. But there was something familiar about the distant figure – possibly the posture. I looked again, narrowing my eyes to sharpen my vision. The fading light didn't make the task any easier.

The figure moved. Taking two calm and deliberate steps forward, he stepped away from the shadows, revealing himself to me completely. He was still far away, but close enough for the suspicion to wake up somewhere deep inside of me. There wasn't just something familiar about the figure.

There was nothing _foreign_ about the man watching me from the shadows. I stared, trying to distinguish the eyes of peculiar shade of golden, but I was too far away. But I didn't need to see his eyes to know their color. It was something that was an absolute certainty to me, something I knew for sure. Something that was familiar. Too familiar.

I saw the motion on his head as he nodded, the movement slow and deliberate. The gesture was meant as a greeting, but I was too shocked even to blink my eyes. My mind refused to believe what I was seeing, because what I saw was simply against everything I should believe, against everything I ever could have expected.

My lips wanted to form a name – to whisper it, to shout it, to make myself trust in my own eyes. But I couldn't speak. My lips were mute but my mind wasn't; it called forth the name my lips had wanted to shape. It called forth the name I had nearly forgotten by now. After all, it belonged to an entirely different lifetime.

_Carlisle Cullen._

There it was again; the feel of familiarity. If seeing the man standing in the darkening evening hadn't shocked me so much, I'd have probably felt something else too. Nostalgia, perhaps.

I felt a soft nudge on my elbow, but it wasn't enought to pull me back from the feeling. From the memories of the small town where the trees were too green and the rain was too wet. From the past that I had left behind a long time ago.

Why had it returned now?

"Bella? Bells?"

Adrian's voice was somewhere far away, but close enough for me to come back. I glanced at him quickly, then looked away again to search the shadows of the birch tree with my eyes. To see the familiar person from my past who had suddenly decided to return.

Except... he wasn't there anymore.

Frowning and narrowing my eyes in the dimmening evening, I turned my head, sweeping the park with my gaze. But I saw no one.

"Are you ready to go?" Adrian asked, poking me again with his elbow. "What's up? What are you looking for?"

"I..."

My sentence was left unfinished. Confusion washed over me as I gazed around the empty park, idly wondering if I had gone crazy. Maybe I suffered from lack of sleep – I had the habit of staying up way too late and getting up early in the morning before the sunrise. But was I really this tired? That I actually began to see hallucinations?

"Bella?"

Shaking my head, I took a deep breath, only now realizing that my heart was nearly racing out of my chest. "I thought I saw someone," I murmured to Adrian, too confused to cook up a quick lie to explain my sudden frantic urge to scout the park.

"Who?" Adrian asked, now looking around the park as well.

I shook my head, waving my hand in a frustrated manner. "Someone I used to know a long time ago," I answered, gazing at the shadows of the birch tree where I had seen the familiar man. "A really long time ago."

Adrian frowned, throwing a dubious glance at me. "I don't see anyone," he stated the obvious.

"It was probably nothing," I shook my head. "The light must have played tricks on my eyes."

"You mean the lack of light?" Adrian chuckled. "It's getting difficult to see." He glanced at me with a frown, tilting his head to the side. "Should I be concerned about the fact that you see things that don't exist?"

"Very funny," I murmured at his jest, still distracted. Still captured by the memory of golden eyes. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I was mistaken."

_Maybe I only imagined it_, I added to myself.

After glancing one more time towards the shadows of the tree, I turned and began to walk to the direction where my apartment was. It was easy to try to make myself believe that it had only been my imagination. That it really had been only a trick played by my own mind.

The walk to my apartment seemed slow and long. Adrian kept babbling about something beside me, and I pretended to listen, smiling and laughing at his jokes every once in a while. But truthfully, my thoughts were on something else entirely.

If it had been only my imagination, why had it happened? Why would I suddenly imagine something like that? I racked my brain, wondering when was the last time I had even thought about any of them. I realized that it must have been years – it surprised me a bit.

I wondered how it was possible that so much time had passed since my mind had even briefly dwelled on the Cullens. Of course I hadn't forgotten about them – not completely. That short time I had spent with them all that time ago was simply what it was – a part of my past. I had accepted that I had no way to change it, and I didn't even want to. There had been a time when I had felt very differently about it. I had felt regret and sadness about them. About them meeting me, about me meeting them... about everything that had been after. Edward's departure from my life had only reminded me how perishable everything in life was. That nothing lingered. And that's why you had to grasp at every chance and live in the moment. It had been yet another lesson for me to learn; yet another thing life had tried to teach me. And I'd had no choice but to learn or to walk away from it. I had tried to do more than just learn; I had tried to appreciate. Appreciate those few short months I had spent with him, with all of them, and tried to believe that maybe their brief presence in my life did have a meaning behind it.

So after a certain amount of time had passed, and after going through those usual feelings you went through after the end of a relationship – shock, denial, anger, even depression – I had eventually been able to accept. Accept that all that had happened didn't need to be the end of the world. It had been only the end of something that maybe wasn't even supposed to be. Out of sight, out of mind – the simple phrase was more valid than I had even known.

It had been sort of a relief to get to that stage eventually. The whole process had been about endless amount of tears and moments of bitterness, and about sitting in a rollercoaster cart from the beginning to the end without stopping to catch my breath. It hadn't been smooth sailing, but I guess it wasn't supposed to be. But eventually I had gotten there. I had reached that much-talked-about acceptance. What had made it all easier was to know that it was all in the past now. That it'd never come back. And I wouldn't have to stress myself out because I'd never see any of them again. They were officially out of my life.

Maybe that's why the acceptance had eventually come so easily. The awareness of the fact that they'd never return had been alleviating.

Shaking myself from my musings, I couldn't help but glance behind my shoulder. The evening was cool and dark, and I saw nothing but trees shedding their leaves. Shaking my head, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Of course it had been only my imagination what had happened earlier. It couldn't have been anything else.

Adrian kept talking about his plans when he'd get out of the city, but I wasn't buying them – not yet, anyway. His plans would change a million times by the time he even actually managed to leave. Sudden sadness filled me when I thought about it. I had known him almost as long as I had lived in Buffalo, and it really was a shame he was such a restless soul. Or then it was a shame that I was so content where I was.

Adrian tried to warm his fingers by breathing into his hands. "Chilly," I heard him saying. "Be sure to dress warmly tomorrow. It's freezing."

"You're such a sissy," I teased him. "It's not that cold."

"Yes, it is," he insisted. "This is why I'm so glad to get out of here. There are so many warm places in America that it's stupid even to consider staying here. My offer still stands," he added to me, winking. "If you ever get fed up with all this rain and cold... and boring books..."

"I won't," I assured him. "I can't imagine living anywhere but here."

"It's your suffering," Adrian mumbled, turning to an alley with small trees growing on both sides. He walked me to the end of the alley, and we stopped as we reached my small apartment. It wasn't a huge block of flats that held several aparments in it, but a separate house, more likely. If one could call it a house – the place was so small that I could bet someone to have a larger bathroom than the entire apartment was. But I didn't complain. Even though the space was limited and the place was a little isolated, the rent was cheap and I truthfully found myself liking the simple apartment I had lived in these past few years.

"Thanks for walking me all the way," I said to Adrian, ready to bid him goodnight.

"No problem," he answered. "I still disagree with you, though. I don't like it that you walk to work and back home all alone."

"Quit fussing," I told him. "You know I hate it. And there's no reason for you to worry. You're just nervous because you know you have to leave soon and you can't boss me around anymore."

Adrian shrugged, a familair grin making the other side of his mouth quirk. "Could be," he admitted.

Sighing, I hesitated as I dug out my keys, turning to him one more time. "Will I be able to see you? Before...?"

"Probably," Adrian pondered. "I'm working nearly around the clock for the next days, but I was hoping if you helped me with my stuff when I get on the bus? I'll inform you when once I know it myself."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Of course. But I still don't understand how you're going to manage with huge amounts luggage with you. How will you be able to tow them around from place to place?"

"I never claimed that I was going _backpack _around the US or anything," Adrian nudged my elbow, smirking like always. "I'll take as much as I can carry and along the way I ditch everything I don't need."

"That sounds ecological," I laughed, imagining him dumping his stereos on a train station or something. "You little conservationist."

Adrian huffed. "How dare you call me that. Shame on you."

I chuckled at his jest, exchanging a few more words with him. Then we bid each other goodnight, and I followed Adrian with my gaze as he walked to the end of the alley, turned left and continued on his way to his own apartment.

I stood in silence after he had disappeared, glancing around me. Turning my back to the dark alley shadowed by the trees, I began to search for the right key to get inside. I closed my eyes, trying to shake the feeling that still kept returning. The feeling that wouldn't leave me alone.

I looked over my shoulder towards the dark tree alley. And I saw nothing.

"Don't be stupid," I whispered to myself, pushing the key into the lock. But I didn't turn it. Because something kept stopping me.

It was just my imagination, I kept telling myself. It hadn't been real.

Had it?

Once more, I turned to face the dark alley. Glancing on my right and left and making sure that no one was witnessing my moment of insanity, I took a step forward.

"I know you're there," I called out, feeling like an idiot. No one sane shouted at the darkness – especially when there was nobody there to hear it. But my lips kept moving. I had to be absolutely sure. "I saw you!" I kept hollering. My voice quieted down, and I continued with a normal volume. Not that it mattered. "You know I did."

I waited. It was very silent – only the traffic of the streets could be heard not very far away. It was a sound I had gotten used to, and therefore it barely existed to me. So I was left with only the silence of the alley and the sound of my quiet breaths as I inhaled and exhaled. Still waiting for something that wasn't even there.

I shook my head, feeling both relieved and chagrined. I told you so, the all knowing part of my consciousness whispered to me. Turning to the door, I began to fiddle with the keys again, trying to find the right one.

Then I felt it. The cool current of air that brushed against my neck, making the shivers run up my spine. I turned around in an instant. The keys jingled as they slipped from my fingers and dropped to the ground at the same time as a loud, startled cry escaped my lips.

"Jeez!"

I raised my palm to my chest, my back pressing against the door. Trying to even out my breaths, I stared at the man who had suddenly decided to appear from the silence of the night. I was too shocked to say anything rational. My heart kept beating frantically, the adrenaline not only making me alert but also very short-tempered.

"Don't do that!" I heard myself nearly shouting. "For heaven's sake!"

Carlisle had taken a step back. He raised his other hand, gesturing placatingly. "I'm sorry," I apologized quietly. "I had no intention to frighten you. You called out for me – I thought that you were aware of my presence."

Hearing his smooth voice caused me to be taken aback for a moment. I'd never get used to the way their voice sounded. The memories I had long ago left behind didn't do justice to the sound of his tenor.

I forced the bewilderment out of my mind.

"I thought I only imagined you earlier," I managed to say, now sounding a little calmer. But indignation was still present in my tone. I didn't even try to hide it – that's what you got for sneaking behind people in supernatural speed.

"I'm terribly sorry," Carlisle said again. "I did not mean to startle you in such way. It was foolish of me to move so quickly." He glanced at the ground where I had dropped my keys, reaching down to pick them up. Then he offered them to me, watching my reaction.

I took the keys without meeting his gaze. I was still too perplexed to know how to react. What was he doing here? After all this time?

Carlisle took a step back again, apparently wanting to respect my personal space. I raised my gaze from the ground, studying the man with blond, swept-back hair and golden eyes. I studied the pale skin of his cheeks, the serious expression on his face... And I suddenly felt like I had stepped into a time capsule. It had been eight years – eight, long years – and yet it seemed like no time had passed. He looked exactly the same. Nothing about his appearance had changed. It shouldn't have been a surprise for me, but for some reason it was. The notion was just difficult to comprehend – you saw someone you had seen nearly ten years ago, and naturally you expected some sort of change to have happened.

But there was none. Eight years hadn't changed him a bit.

Carlisle was studying me as well. I wondered how much eight years had changed me; how far I was from the insecure teenager he had once known.

Far, I thought. I wasn't the eighteen-year-old girl I had been the last time he saw me. The one who had dreamed about the endless life of an immortal, the one who had been ready to give up her whole future for the love she had felt for a person who was forever trapped inside the body of a seventeen-year-old. That person had been a man in many ways, but also just a boy. And I hadn't been an adult, either. I hadn't been mature in the way the situation would have demanded. I had been so sure about myself, ready to give up everything I had known, everything that was important. Charlie, Renée, Phil... I shook my head at the thought, not able to understand the landscape of the soul of that young girl I had once been.

But I wasn't that eighteen-year-old anymore. I was still the same person, but in different ways. Grown ways. The years had done that – the years I'd have given up so easily back then.

I was suddenly very happy that I hadn't.

Letting out a deep breath, I lowered the hand that I held over my chest. Carlisle noticed the small change in my stance, venturing to search my eyes.

"I apologize again," he said quietly, seeming truly sorry he had scared me like that.

"It's fine," I breathed, feeling my heart calming down. "It's not like you gave me a stroke or anything."

Carlisle smiled at my poor jest. There was something forced in the expression; the smile didn't reach his eyes. It barely reached his lips. I wondered again the reason for his seriousness. As a person, Carlisle had always been warm and compassionate beyond anything, and this new atmosphere around him felt very foreign. There was some odd seriousness in him, something that hadn't been before. The air around him exuded it.

He turned his head to look behind him, as if to observe his surroundings. His demeanor wasn't nervous per se, but only oddly tense.

I decided to break the lasting silence. Now when the initial shock began to fade, I was able to wonder what he was doing here. He surely had a good reason – otherwise he wouldn't have come.

"Why are you here?" I asked, causing Carlisle to turn his gaze away from the trees behind him. "I'm sure this isn't just a social call." There it was again, in my voice; indignation. I wasn't sure what to think about his presence. What to feel. Carlisle was supposed to belong to that certain part of my past. To that one, simple part that hadn't even lasted that long. And the past shouldn't return – especially if you had made an effort to leave it behind you.

Carlisle wetted his lips. I was sure it was a human habit he had learned over the long decades. "I'm sure my presence is not something you knew to expect," he began slowly, searching my eyes. "And I know my sudden appearance may upset you. I understand it completely." He paused for a moment, searching for words. "But I wouldn't have come unless it had been absolutely necessary."

The last sentence was probably meant to convey that he apologized for his presence, but my mind interpreted it differently. Words escaped my lips before I had the chance to stop them.

"Well I'm sorry you felt the need to come," I heard myself saying. My voice was surprisingly calm despite the chagrin I felt. "I'm sure it must be terrible for you to be in my presence."

Carlisle shook his head. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way. You misunderstood." He fell silent, glancing around him again quickly. "I meant that I'm sorry to disturb you like this. It's not right that I have to, after all this time. I have no wish to bring trouble to you. To intrude your life."

I felt my features softening a bit, noticing that I had folded my arms across my chest. The defensive posture wasn't overlooked by Carlisle.

"Why are you here, then?" I asked again. Curiosity began to conquer the annoyance. I found myself studying Carlisle's face again, trying to interpret his expressions.

"There's something you need to know," he answered. "And as I said before, I wouldn't have come unless it was important. But it is, and you're the last person who should be kept in the dark about it." He hesitated, watching my reaction. "For your own safety."

I quirked my brow in disbelief. "My safety?" I asked. "Do you care to elaborate a bit?"

Carlisle glanced around him again. It was almost as though he was constantly fearing to be overheard by someone.

I allowed my arms to drop from my chest. "Maybe you should come inside," I suggested, even though I doubted that a set of walls could prevent anyone of his species from eavesdropping. Although, I didn't even know if it was a vampire he was worried about. Maybe there was another reason for his tense demeanor.

Carlisle hesitated at my words. "I'd better not," he declined. "I don't wish to intrude."

"You're not intruding when I'm inviting you in," I assured, feeling my fingers going numb from the cold. Turning to the door, I began to open the lock. "And besides, I'm freezing out here."

I shivered as the warm air surged to greet me. Carlisle hesitated for a moment more before coming inside after me. He closed the door behind him, gazing around him uncertainly.

I had to wonder what he thought about my tiny apartment. For a man who had gotten used to living in huge houses and mansions, it must have felt like he had just stepped into a closet or something. I saw him gazing around the living room that was attached to the kitchen. That pretty much described it all. In addition to this room, the apartment consisted of one bedroom and the bathroom down the hall. I also had a small library – well, at least I liked to call it a library. How else could I describe a room that was so full books they barely fit on the shelves?

I gestured Carlisle to step further. He hesitated again. There was almost something shy about his behaviour.

"I know it's a little small," I offered to say, instantly wanting to kick myself. I shouldn't have to apologize because I happened to live in a small apartment.

Carlisle frowned, shaking his head. "I think it's wonderful," he stated, and it sounded like he really meant it. But his tone was distracted, almost like he was deep in thought.

Shrugging the coat off, I went to sit down in one of the armchairs, telling Carlisle to sit down as well. He chose the couch, keeping his usual distance. It was almost like he was afraid to sit too close to me. Maybe he was afraid I'd punch him or something.

I looked at him under my brow, suddenly thinking that maybe this was all a dream. It felt like it. It seemed surreal that I had a vampire sitting on the couch of my tiny living room.

Carlisle gave me a questioning glance as he noticed my scrutiny.

Shaking my head, I just decided to be honest with him.

"I can't bring myself to believe that you're actually here," I murmured, reaching out for the book that sat on the coffee table. I began to fiddle with it, suddenly needing to do something with my hands. I glanced up to see his reaction; he was very quiet.

Carlisle was gazing at me with his ochre eyes. "I understand it might be difficult to believe," he said quietly. "Considering how... abruptly we left." He paused, an ironic smile curving his lips now. "I'm actually very surprised that you're taking my sudden appearance so calmly. I expected..." He shook his head, pausing.

"What did you expect" I asked, curious.

Carlisle laced his fingers, leaning his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "Anger," he stated, turning to look at me again. "Mostly that."

"You thought I was going to start raging at you when you showed up?"

Carlisle didn't answer. He fixed his eyes upon the wooden coffee table, once again seeming to be at a loss of words. But his silence managed to answer my question pretty well.

I drew in a breath, leaning my elbow on the arm of the chair. "I guess... I guess if you had showed up a few years earlier I probably would have been pretty mad," I confessed.

Carlisle glanced at me. "But now?" he asked.

I shrugged, struggling to find an answer. Struggling to find out what my current feelings were. I was still so surprised about his sudden arrival that mostly I was just confused.

"Eight years is a long time," I eventually managed to answer. "Not for you, maybe," I added under my breath. "But it's a very long time to carry anger with you. It's not healthy to do that."

Carlisle listened as the words flowed out of my mouth. "I agree that it's been a long time," he stated quietly. A small frown furrowed his brow. "But are you not at all resentful, then? Does it not upset you that I am here?"

I thought about his question, hoping that I had a clear answer to give him. Something that explained everything I had on my mind. "I'm confused," I finally confessed. "I don't know what to make of this. I can't understand why you're suddenly back."

Carlisle nodded. "I see. I realize the situation musn't be pleasant for you. And I must apologize again for interfering your life like this. If we had an option, we would have left you in peace."

It felt strange that he kept apologizing for that. After all, I had never been the one who had asked them to leave in the first place. He made it sound like I had begged them to leave me alone and now I was upset because he had suddenly returned.

The thought made me realize that even though I wasn't angry anymore, I was a little hurt by their actions. How could I not? Even though my life after getting over Edward had been great and fulfilling, it still vexed me that it had been so easy for him to leave me. And it wasn't just about him. I guess it bothered me that the whole family had left me behind without even blinking.

"Are you alone?" I asked, a little relieved that at least one emotion had become clear to me. "Or are the others here as well?"

Carlisle pondered for a while. A strange expression passed on his face, but it was gone before I managed to decipher it. "Not everyone," he answered evasively.

I nodded, idly hoping that I wouldn't have to meet the rest of his family too soon. At least not right away – I had to sort out my feelings about it before even considering the matter. And besides, I had to wonder if they even wanted to see _me_. From Carlisle's words I figured that unless something compelling hadn't come up, he wouldn't have come to see me in the first place.

Carlisle was looking around the living room, his eyes finding a row of photographs sitting on the table across the room. Familiar faces observed the room from the wooden frames; my parents, old and forgotten friends I had gone to college with, Adrian and me a few weeks after we had met... there were even a couple of landscape pictures I had taken during my traveling before coming to Buffalo.

A tiny smile lifted the other side of Carlisle's mouth as he studied the pictures. It was the first, genuine smile I had witnessed from him during the evening. Then he turned to look at me, beginning to measure me with his gaze from head to toe, and again I had to wonder how much I had changed since the last time we had been in the same room. I thought that physically I still looked pretty same. My hair was maybe a bit longer, and my face a little less round and childlike. I was still slender but no longer awfully skinny and bony like I had been as a teenager.

Suddenly I felt self-conscious under Carlisle's gaze. I cleared my throat, trying to figure out something to say. But he was faster. Soft, quiet words floated in the quiet living room as he spoke.

"How have you been?" he asked. I wondered why he felt the need for the small talk, but then I realized he seemed truly interested.

I shrugged, tapping the book in my hand with my fingers. "Good," I answered shortly. If he was waiting for some deep and thorough life story, I'd have to disappoint him.

Carlisle sensed my reluctance. He gazed at the floor suddenly, an expression on his face that I could only describe as regretful. A small sting of guilt made me want to take the curt answer back. Carlisle had been always so kind to me, and something told me that he wasn't the one who deserved any possible resentment I might still harbor.

I was just about to apologize and ask in return how he had been, but he lifted his gaze, a timid smile on his lips. He drew in a deep breath, beginning to search for words.

"I'm sure you're getting impatient to know why I've appeared back into your life so suddenly," he began, not waiting for my answer. "The reason for my sudden arrival is the unexpeted occurence that took place some time ago. I must confess that still, at this very moment, we don't know nearly enough about the situation," he explained. His speech was slow-paced and his words more or less vague – I wasn't much wiser than one minute ago.

"However, we have a reason to believe that you may be in danger," Carlisle continued, giving me a look that was more or less apologetic.

"What else is new," I muttered under my breath, not really too concerned about his words.

Carlisle was silent, waiting until I met his gaze again.

"I know it must frustrate you," he said, "to know that our existence may have endangered you life again. And I'm deeply sorry about it."

"You shouldn't," I answered. "Because whatever mess I've managed to get myself into again, it's pretty plausible that I've caused it myself."

Carlisle shook his head. "I doubt it," he said.

"Then tell me what this is about," I suggested. "Who or what supposedly endangers my life? The most dangerous moment in my everyday life is when I walk up and down the stairs."

Carlisle rose from the couch, beginning to pace. It baffled me - I had never seen him doing that during the short months I had occasionally spent time in his presence.

"There are many questions to be answered, I admit," he sighed, stopping his pacing and turning to look at me. "And I'm sorry that I don't have more information to give you."

I watched his distressed expression, feeling myself softening a bit. "So what makes you think I'm in danger? What's happened?"

Carlisle sat down again, a few inches closer to me than before. "Alice had a rather disturbing vision about you some time ago," he answered. "It was very sudden and unexpected because she has... _refrained_ from searching your future for the past years."

I quirked my brow, feeling a sudden sting somewhere inside me. I forced the feeling away, thinking that I had no reason to be upset about it. So what if Alice hadn't been observing me and my future? She'd had no reason to.

"After we left Forks, Edward wanted to be sure that we won't confuse your life any more than we had," Carlisle continued. "That's why he told Alice not to observe your future. I was rather surprised to see she obeyed," he added, almost speaking to himself.

I waited silently for him to continue. But Carlisle stayed quiet, almost seeming to be lost in his thoughts.

"What was this sudden vision about, then?" I decided to ask.

Carlisle looked at me, pondering. I had a feeling he was trying to choose his words carefully, but I couldn't figure any reason why. Why didn't he just cut to the chase and tell me what was going on?

"Something threatens your life," he simply answered. "Or someone. As I told earlier, we still aren't too sure about the details."

I quirked my brow, glancing at the book I still had in my hands. _Returning Past_, the cover said. It was the copy of the same book I had put behind the display window of the store this afternoon, wondering about the strange sensation the name was giving me.

I pushed the book back on the table, my movement abrupt and hasty. Carlisle gave me a confused look, his golden eyes creeping to the book. Despite the dim lighting, I was sure that with his enhanced eyesight it was no trouble to read the cover of it.

"So," I began to say, drawing his attention back to me. "Why are you here?"

Carlisle frowned, opening his mouth. For a moment he didn't say anything.

"Because of what I just told you," he answered.

"Yes, but I still can't understand what this has to do with you guys. You're not obligated to keep me alive."

I expected Carlisle to look away again. For the whole evening he had seemed to be unusually tense and even insecure, most of the time avoiding my eyes. That's why I thought there was no reason for him to change his behaviour now. I expected him to start struggling to form an answer and to look away when he had none to give me.

But Carlisle didn't look away. He looked at me straight in the eye, not turning away when I met his gaze.

"What?" I asked when he was silent for a full minute.

Carlisle wetted his lips again, looking at the floor for a very short moment. Then he looked back at me, starting to speak very slowly. "Bella," he said, and I vaguely realized it was the first time he had spoken my name during the evening. "Do you honestly believe we could have simply ignored Alice's vision? And not do anything about it?"

I tried to interpret his tone. It wasn't angry, and I hadn't expected it to be. Carlisle never lost his composure. Mostly he sounded just very serious. Maybe even a little hurt.

"I don't know," I answered eventually, the silence of the room becoming a little too heavy.

Carlisle was very quiet for a moment or two more. Then he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath. "I'm very sorry to hear that you feel the need to question it. Our will to keep you safe."

"I'm not questioning it," I disagreed, idly wondering if I had done just that. "I'm just confused. You disappear all of a sudden and then you suddenly come back nearly ten years later, saying that I'm in danger..." I shook my head, idly realizing I had gotten up from the chair. "It's just so contradictory. Do you care or do you not care?"

Carlisle rose from the couch as well. "Of course we care," he answered quietly, calm as ever.

A humourless laugh left my lips. Without looking away from his golden eyes, I asked him the question that had burned my lips for the whole evening. For the whole eight years.

"Then why did you leave?"

Carlisle swallowed. He opened his mouth to say something, but a quiet sound coming from the pocket of his coat stopped him. I watched as he dug out a cell phone out of his pocket, frowning at the small screen that shone brightly in the dimly lit room.

"I'm sorry," he said. I didn't know if he meant the cell phone or was it an answer to the question I had asked. "I need to leave," he sighed, shoving the phone back into his pocket. "I'll come back and we'll talk about this. I promise." I watched him as he began to walk to the door with slow steps, turning around once more.

"We are keeping an eye on your surroundings," he informed, searching my face. "There's always someone close by if anything unusual happens. But nevertheless..." he paused, making sure he had my attention. "Nevertheless, keep your eyes open."

I only nodded at him, unable to say anything.

Carlisle walked to the door, opening it but not stepping outside. He glanced over his shoulder one more time, capturing me in the hold of his golden eyes. I saw nothing but worry in their depths. "Your friend who walked you home earlier," he began. "I have to agree with him. It's not wise of you to walk alone when it's so late."

I stood there as he stepped through the door, closing it quietly behind him.

Then he was gone.


	3. The Past And Its Presence

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)**

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**_"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. _**

**_Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. _**

**_Just walk beside me and be my friend." _ **

- Albert Camus -

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**The Past and its Presence**

Sleep evaded me most of the night. The long hours were restless, my limbs getting tangled in the sheets as I kept tossing and turning. But I forced myself to stay in bed, childishly hoping that once I fell asleep and woke up the next morning, the events of the previous evening had just been a dream.

The hours passed slowly as I dozed off every now and then, only to wake up with a start. The memory of Carlisle's face filled my mind time after time, his concerned expression constantly haunting me. His numerous apologies for the fact that he had been forced to return and interfere in my life after all these years, his regret concerning the knowledge that I was possibly in danger because of them... It all made me wish that I had been more talkative when I'd had the chance. But in my state of surprise, I hadn't been able to ask him much. I'd barely been able to react to his arrival, and I hadn't done in the way I perhaps should have. There were so many things I still didn't know – such as what exactly had happened in Alice's vision, where the rest of the Cullens were...

Carlisle had said there'd always be someone close by, observing me if something happened. It made me wonder how closely they were keeping an eye on me – and who of them, exactly. The thought caused something else to crowd my mind as I began to wonder about the danger I was supposedly in. What made Carlisle automatically think that it had something to do with vampires? He hadn't said that directly, but that's the impression I had gotten from him.

I realized that I wasn't that scared – I was barely worried. Perhaps I should have been more intimidated since the Cullens had reacted to Alice's vision that way and bothered to come all the way here to warn me. Their actions and motives made me confused again; why would they bother to come and protect me? Their actions spoke against everything I had believed in since the day they had left Forks all those years ago.

I pounded the pillow under my head, trying to make it more comfortable. Sighing, I began to think about all those months it had taken for me to get over them. And I really thought that I had. Getting rid of all the regret and sadness had been a long process. Now it felt like all that trouble I had went through had been for nothing.

I suppose reaching that stage of acceptance had eventually been successfull only because I had automatically thought that I'd never have to see any of them again; I had known that it was all behind me. That was the whole point, wasn't it? First you had to deal with everything that bothered you, then you had to work it out with yourself, accept it and then turn a new page without beginning to wallow in everything you had just managed to process.

Nobody had told me that I'd have to do it all _twice_.

Giving up on sleeping, I pushed myself up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. For a moment I just sat still, trying to figure out how to go on from here. I had little choices – the situation was what it was, and there was nothing I could do to change it. It was frustrating.

I sighed deeply, glancing at the clock. It was past five in the morning. I began to feel like I had done my share of fretting for tonight – I was actually getting fed up with all the obsessing.

Eventually, I just decided to let the things to unfold the way they wanted. Idly wondering why I was suddenly so calm about this, I got up from the bed and padded my way to the shower.

As I was patting my wet hair with a towel, I sauntered to the living room, throwing a dubious glance at the couch Carlisle had been sitting on last night. Frowning, I began to think about the possibility if it all had been just a dream. But the book with purple covers resting on the coffee table caught my eye – it was exactly there where I had tossed it in the evening. Exactly there where Carlisle's eyes had lingered for a short while as he had read the name of it.

_Returning Past,_ I read from the cover again. The name vexed me surprisingly much. My fingers itched to throw it in the garbage or light it on fire or something. But I knew it wouldn't help, and I also knew it wasn't the book that irritated me. It wasn't even the name of it.

Days passed by in a blur. First two, then three, then four and eventually a week. I saw no sign of Carlisle during that time, and to be honest, I didn't bother to look for him. I wasn't ready or even willing to face him again yet. I found myself looking around me every time I went outside, almost afraid to see him standing at the corner of the street or following behind me as I walked to work in the mornings. But I never saw him – it was almost like he wanted to give me space and more importantly time to get used to the situation. He probably had sensed my conflicted emotions the night he had come to see me, and it surprised me that he actually seemed to know better than I did what I needed at the moment. It was as though he knew I wasn't ready to face him again before managing to solve my feelings.

Despite the warnings I had received both from Adrian and Carlisle, I kept walking to the bookstore and back to my apartment even though the daylight kept diminishing day by day. But as I had realized before, the situation and walking alone didn't scare me that much – I had to wonder why. It had been years since I had been in a life-threatening situation or even managed to injure myself enough to end up in the ER. I was either stubbornly defying fate or then I didn't remeber anymore what it felt like to be an inch away from dying or something, and therefore I simply didn't feel the need to take any precautions.

And sometimes I had a strange feeling as I walked home in the darkness of the evening. I could swear someone was watching me, but the feeling wasn't threatening in any way. I knew it was probably Carlisle or someone else of the Cullens watching over me. That's what he had said they'd do.

Several times during that week, I found myself stopping at the door of my apartment, turning around to gaze at the tree alley. I always hesitated, never venturing to say anything even though I pretty much knew there was somebody out there, ready to step away from the shadows if I happened to call. But I never did anything. Everytime the thought passed in my mind, I began to search for my keys, suddenly wanting to get inside and close the door behind me to leave everything on the other side.

A little over a week after I had first seen Carlisle, I couldn't take it anymore. After coming home from work and pacing around in my small apartment, I took a deep breath and grabbed my coat. Gearing myself with a warm scarf and a short but effective pep talk, I closed the zipper of my coat and stepped outside into the darkening evening.

The dark alley of trees was completely deserted. I locked the door behind me, taking a few steps forward. The cool air began to sneak its way into my clothing, but I ignored the feeling. Making my way further down the dark alley, I stopped to glance around me.

After a couple of minutes of silence, I prepared to clear my throat to say something. But I didn't know what to say. Even after several days of contemplating, I still didn't know the words I should speak.

I had kind of hoped that I'd know once I saw him.

But then, quiet and measured steps sounding from the far end of the alley had my attention. I turned to see who was nearing – as if I wasn't already aware of it.

Carlisle walked slowly as he appeared from the shadows. The expression on his face was cautious, but also somewhat pleased as he nodded at me. I suppose he was pleasantly surprised to see that I was finally willing to talk. I knew it hadn't been right of me to hide and keep him waiting all this time, but I also knew that I couldn't have been able to face him before having the chance to solve my thoughts.

I stood still as Carlisle came closer, and I watched as he stopped a few paces away from me, not coming too close. The other side of his lips quirked. The smile was more or less scarce, but for some reason it made me relax.

"Evening, Bella," he greeted, nodding again.

"Hi," I responded, realizing that I was nearly whispering. I wetted my lips, glancing at the ground for a short second. "I was wondering if you could take a walk with me?"

Carlisle nodded. "Certainly," he answered. He waited until I began to move, letting me choose the direction instead of doing it himself.

My steps began to take me to the end of the alley, and I made my way to the direction where one of my favourite parks was. I had always loved that park by the lake – everytime I had something on my mind, I went there to clear my thoughts. It also happened to be the same park where I had seen Carlisle that night and thought of him only as a figment of my imagination.

Carlisle walked silently beside me, not uttering a word. I knew he wanted me to take the first step and start the conversation. The gesture was small, but somehow very considerate. It made me feel like he truly cared about my comfort, not wanting to force me to speak. This conversation was bound to happen, and I realized it was better that it hadn't happened until now. A week ago I had been too confused about the unexpected situation to be able to relate to the matter rationally. I didn't respond well to surprises – maybe I should have told that to Carlisle right away when he had appeared.

The space he had given me during the past few days had caused no huge realizations in me, but they had given me some new perspective. I knew I was now more ready to hear everything he had to say, and I also was ready to be more honest with him myself. Having the chance to mull over my thoughts and feelings had been good for me.

Clearing my throat quietly, I glanced at the dark lake on my right, watching the lights of the city across the waters. "Um," I began, wanting to kick myself for not having anything more articulate to say. "How are things?" I asked casually. "Anything new?"

Carlisle drew in a breath beside me, glancing at me. "Not much," he answered, giving me a small smile that was meant to reassure. Or maybe he wanted to lessen the tension between us – it was still there. There was no reason to pretend it wasn't. We both felt it.

I nodded at his answer, wetting my lips again. Pulling the sleeves over my hands, I tried to keep my fingers warm, momentarily regretting that I hadn't taken gloves with me. "Look," I began, vigorously trying to think of a way to begin. "I'm sorry if I seemed a little reserved last week," I apologized, looking at him to meet his gaze. "You just caught me off guard by showing up out of the blue. I didn't know to expect it."

His brow furrowed at my words. "I understand that," he answered. "And you have no reason to apologize, Bella. You handled the situation with grace that was enviable."

I gave a short laugh, not really able to agree with him. An image of myself, shrieking and dropping the keys when he had appeared, rose in front of my eyes. Very graceful indeed.

"And I cannot blame you for any resentment you might feel," Carlisle continued quietly. "Considering what happened in Forks and how we dealt with the situation. The way we treated you was..." He shook his head, an expression of shame passing on his face.

"I'm not resentful, per se," I disagreed softly. Carlisle's golden gaze pierced me as he looked at me. "Not anymore, at least. I once may have been," I admitted, knowing that there was no reason to deny it. "I mean... how could I not?"

Carlisle nodded quickly. "We offended you by our actions," he stated. "That goes without saying."

"I guess so. But it doesn't mean I have to carry that around me for the rest of my life," I said softly, earning a long look from him. I kept walking with leisurely steps, trying to find the words to explain my thoughts to him.

I saw a wooden bench beside the walkway, and my steps took me to it. Sitting down on it, I gazed upon the restless waves ahead of me a few dozen yards away.

Carlisle sat down beside me. I turned to look at him, waiting until he turned his gaze away from the storming waves.

"It took a long while for me to get past what happened with your family," I explained. "But eventually I learned that the world doesn't stop turning. And... I just had to live on. It's wasted energy to wallow in something you never had the chance to influence."

Carlisle's golden eyes looked darker in the dim evening. I noticed him suddenly smiling, a look in his eyes I couldn't quite recognize. "That is very wise of you," he spoke quietly.

I shook my head, giving a soft laugh. "It's not that wise. And not even that complex. It's pretty simple even, now when I think about it."

"Don't belittle yourself, Bella," Carlisle said. "To be honest, I cannot help but admire you. The way you've built a life for yourself here... even after you were forced to go through something that could easily leave permanent scars..." He shook his head, a sudden expression of appreciation on his face.

"Oh, I have those too," I said with a sad smile. "It's difficult to go through life without scars. It's foolish to even try."

Carlisle smiled, glancing down at the ground as he leaned forward, linking his fingers. Then he looked at me again, the expression on his face becoming more serious.

"Even though I am relieved to hear that you're not resentful," he began, "I cannot even imagine carrying on from here without offering an apology. It is something we owe to you without a doubt – something _I_ owe to you, perhaps even more than the others."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Carlisle lowered his hand on mine, silencing me.

"Please hear what I have to say," he asked. "The way we dealt with the situation in Forks – even though our purpose was good, it doesn't mean that it was the right solution. Leaving you behind was something we never should have tried to justify."

I listened to his flow of words, partly understanding what he was trying to say. But Edward's last words to me began to invade my mind, creating a contradiction I couldn't solve.

I frowned, idly realizing that Carlisle removed his cold hand from mine. "So you left because..." I paused, searching his eyes.

Carlisle began to frown as well. "To protect you," he stated. "Every second in our presence was a risk to your life. It still is," he added. "In the end, it was Edward's demand that caused us to leave. I disagreed with him – most of us did. And we allowed ourselves to be convinced. But only because there was some truth in his claims. Your safety in our presence was something we couldn't guarantee. There was no reason for us to deny it, because we all knew you were never completely safe with us."

I took a deep breath, trying to absorb his words. Carlisle had managed to tilt my world again – I guess it was something I should get used to.

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

I played Edward's last words in my mind; I hadn't forgotten about them even though I had many times wanted to. There had been a time when the words had caused a lot of grief to me. And I had believed everything he had told me. I had believed that I wasn't good enough for him – because if he had said that, it had to be true. And after allowing myself to believe something like that, it had been difficult to convince myself otherwise.

In a way - in many ways - his words were already behind me. They had been for a long time. You tended to do that after a certain amount of time had passed. You moved on, leaving behind people, memories, feelings. Things that had affected you in both good and bad ways. And Edward's words – even though they had lingered in my memories, I had left them behind. Because I didn't believe in his words anymore, even though there had been a moment when I once had.

There was a part of me that was very disappointed in the girl I had once been. I couldn't believe I had allowed a few simple words to strip me of my self-worth and steal away the respect I had for myself. I was disappointed in that girl, yes, but also oddly grateful. Grateful of Edward's words he had spoken in such careless fashion, probably not knowing what kind of an effect they would first have on me. Because even though I had momentarily lost my meager self-confidence after hearing his words, I had also managed to build it back in time. Without the emotions his words had triggered, I wouldn't be who I was now.

It felt odd to feel gratitude towards a person who had once caused me so much sorrow and heartache.

Carlisle's heavy gaze pulled me from my ponderings. He was frowning at me, suddenly a confused expression on his face.

"Edward did tell you the truth, did he not?" he asked. "He did explain to you the reason for our leaving?"

I searched the words, wondering if my answer upset him. "He said that I didn't belong to your world," I answered evasively. "It's something I can now agree with. Maybe not back then, but..."

"What else did he say?" Carlisle asked, straightening his form to be on an eye-level with me, as though to listen more closely.

"What do you think he said?" I asked back, starting to have a feeling that he had an entirely different conception about the day they had left Forks.

Carlisle wetted his lips, still frowning. "He told me he was going to explain to you why we shouldn't be a part of your life. I still couldn't agree with him, despite what he was going to say to you. Very few of us did," he added. "You were like a family member to us."

I swallowed, looking away from his golden, kind eyes. A quiet, rueful laugh left my lips, and I shook my head, wondering why I hadn't realized this before.

"Now I understand," I said quietly, glancing down at my hands. "I can't believe how gullible I was."

Carlisle's gaze was heavier than the silence between us. He was frowning again, looking suddenly cautious. "What do you mean?" he asked eventually, speaking slowly. His eyes gave him away; he had already begun to suspect what I was talking about. He knew Edward, after all. After decades of spending time with each other, I was sure he had some clue about how his mind worked.

But I could see he didn't quite want to believe. I glanced at him, considering if I should let it pass and simply lie to him. It was no use to dig up old wounds.

Carlisle didn't let it go that easily. He held my gaze relentlessly, draping his arm on the back of the bench and shifting his position, turning to face me properly. "You seem to be surprised after what I've told you," he murmured, stating the obvious. "And it causes me to wonder what kind of things Edward said to you to cause that bewilderment."

I sighed, raising my hand to rub my temples. Carlisle waited silently, apparently having decided to get the truth out of me. Searching for words, I gave him a quick glance, deciding that I might as well tell him. Those things didn't bother me that much anymore, and I guess being honest was eventually better than clamming up. At least everything would be out in the open.

"He told me the only thing I was afraid to hear," I answered with a sigh. "The only thing that he knew would have a thorough effect. And I believed him when he said it – I suppose he knew I would." I turned to look at Carlisle, noticing the expression of foreboding on his face. "He said I wasn't good for him. He knew I would believe it without a blink, and that way he made it impossible for me to make him change his mind about leaving." I shook my head, once again thinking about the girl I had once been. And I suddenly realized that she had existed within me all this time, even when I had thought I had grown out of her insecurity. But I guess a small part of her had lingered. Because otherwise I would have figured out the motive behind Edward's words. I _should _have been able to figure it out.

Carlisle was silent for a very long time. I turned to look at him, wondering if he regretted he had asked me that question. I didn't regret it - not really. Because by answering his question, I had finally managed to get rid of that small part of insecurity that had nagged me all these years. The young girl of eighteen, the one who had always been so self-deprecating and unsure about herself, finally became fully something she had always meant to be; a part of my past.

The feeling of freedom caused by the realization made me feel nearly intoxicated. I glanced at Carlisle through my quiet euphoria, noticing that my confession had caused the exact opposite reaction in him.

"Lord," I heard him whispering as he ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "I never knew he said such a thing to you. If I had known he intended to..."

"It doesn't really matter," I said softly, not wanting him to feel so distressed about it. "And it wasn't your fault, in any case. It was Edward's own decision to handle the situation the way he did. There's no way to change it, and I don't even want to. Not anymore."

Carlisle turned to look at me, his expression more or less confused. I could understand why it confused him to see me relating to the matter so calmly.

"I don't have any regrets," I explained. "Even though there once may have been a time when all I wanted to do was to erase your momentary presence from my life, to forget everything I ever knew about you... it doesn't mean that I still think that way."

Carlisle listened quietly, the lighting of the walkway a few yards away reflecting from his golden eyes.

"And..." I wetted my lips, glancing at the dark lake in front of us, admiring the beauty of it. Even in darkess, it was so very beautiful. "And there's even a part of me that wants to be grateful. Edward may have done wrong by taking the situation in his own hands like that and taking away the choice that should have been mine to make. But I can't help but wonder if he knew better than I did."

Carlisle frowned, his mouth opening slightly. "What do you mean?" His voice was quiet, tender.

"I mean that maybe he knew what I'd miss," I explained. "Maybe he knew what I was about to give up when I decided that I wanted to spend an eternity with him. I mean... All these things I've experienced during these past few years... I wouldn't give them away. I'd change nothing. And it's strange because after I met Edward, I was so willing to let those things slip past me without even considering otherwise. It was foolish of me," I gave a short laugh, sudden nostalgia filling me when I thought about my unyielding determination. It made me realize I really hadn't thought it through. Becoming a vampire had been something I had wanted fervently, but I hadn't thought about the consequences of my decision entirely. Maybe I had been afraid to do that. Maybe I had thought that if I considered it too carefully, I might change my mind about it.

"I don't think you were foolish," Carlisle mused quietly. "You simply had your mind set on something you truly appreciated and thought as important. There's no fault in that. And you did much more than just set your mind on it; you put your heart into it. You were so unwavering about your opinions and your decision to join us. Not many would agree to become a creature like us without a moment of hesitation. And do it all out of love."

I smiled at his words. "That's why it seemed so worth it," I murmured, glancing at the dark sky and wondering if it began to rain. "Usually love is the only reason you need to have all the determination you require. And it's not that I would have regretted becoming one of you," I stated, turning to look at Carlisle again. "If things were different... If I had managed to get Edward convinced about everything and not humbly accepted the things he told me... If I had possessed the self-esteem the situation had demanded, maybe everything would be very different now."

Carlisle watched me with a strange look in his eyes. It was as though he was admiring my words. The concept was rather silly – it'd be strange to be able to leave an impression on someone who had lived over ten times longer than I had been even alive.

"But you don't mourn for that lost possibility," Carlisle stated quietly. "Not anymore. Instead you've accepted losing it. You've taken life as it comes."

I shrugged, feeling suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. "I guess. But there's nothing special about it. Anyone else would have been able to do the same."

Carlisle shook his head. "I doubt it," he whispered, a small smile playing on his lips.

A comfortable silence fell between us. I was suddenly very glad I had ventured to step outside of my apartment this evening. The tension that had hovered over the situation all these past days seemed to lessen, and I glanced around me in the dark park, noting that we were the only ones here. Usually you saw a person or two jogging or walking a dog, but now the park was completely deserted. It made me wonder what the time was.

Carlisle was looking around as well, but I was sure he was observing his surroundings for another reason. It caused me to remember the initial reason for his presence. Dwelling on old matters had nearly caused me forget why he had returned in the first place.

"Do you hear anything?" I asked with a wry smile. "Vampires or other dangerous creatures sneaking their way here to end my feeble human life?"

Carlisle glanced at me with a quirk of his brow. He narrowed his eyes, a confused smile curving his lips. "You don't sound too concerned about the situation," he stated softly. It was almost a question, and that's why I decided to respond.

"Not really," I stated. "I guess I should take it more seriously, but I suppose I'm missing some valuable self-preservation instinct or something."

Carlisle didn't seem to know if he should be amused or concerned. "I suppose you haven't noticed anything uncommon?" he asked. "Anything at all?"

I shook my head. "No. Have you?"

Carlisle frowned. "I haven't. It brings me relief, but also troubles me. Something feels amiss."

"Could you tell me what exactly happened in Alice's vision?" I asked. "And why do you guys instantly think it's got something to do with your kind?"

Carlisle avoided my eyes, considering my question. "There's no reason for you to worry," he assured, glancing at me quickly. "We are keeping an eye on the situation. You can count on that."

"And I am counting on it," I stated. "This has nothing to do with trusting you, because I know you have everything under control. I was just curious."

Carlisle leaned against the back of the bench, his gaze wandering around the empty park. "Alice's vision was mostly obscure. She didn't quite manage to grasp it."

"What happened in it?" I asked. Carlisle glanced at me, and I met his gaze boldly. "You don't have to protect me," I insisted. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Carlisle let out a deep breath. He searched the dark waves with his gaze, shadows conquering the golden luster of his eyes. "As I said, the vision was very vague. Alice couldn't decipher it properly because it fleeted so quickly. However, she saw a brief flash of you apparently after being attacked by someone. We don't know who it was and what happened, but it was obvious that you were very troubled." He glanced at me again, probably to see if I looked too traumatized for him to continue.

"Did I say anything?" I asked.

Carlisle licked his lips, glancing at the dark lake again. "You called out for help," he answered softly.

"Oh." I quirked my brow, leaning against the back of the bench. I felt Carlisle watching me, trying to read my expression.

"Are you not afraid?" he asked, his tone something between disbelief and confusion.

I shrugged, trying to find an answer. "I guess I'm worried," I answered. "But not too afraid to do something as dramatic as to lock myself inside my apartment for the rest of my life." I glanced at him, searching his eyes. "You didn't tell me why you think this has something to do with vampires."

Carlisle leaned his elbows to his knees, rubbing his chin in a very human-like manner. "We cannot be certain about it," he admitted. "But it didn't matter to us when Alice had the vision. We were very distraught about it, and there was no question whether or not we should prevent the vision from coming true."

His words touched me. I didn't even try to deny it. "I appreciate it," I said quietly.

Carlisle turned to me with a small smile. "Last week before I left your house," he began, "and you questioned our intentions and our wish to protect you... I can understand it now when I know your view about everything that passed between you and Edward in Forks." he stated, sounding almost apologizing. "But I only want to make sure you know. Despite these years that have gone by... despite the picture we gave to you about ourselves, I hope that you know your safety is of grate importance to us."

I nodded at his words, suddenly unable to say anything. It was sweet of him to say those things to me after all the uncertainty I had gone through. And I knew he meant what he said – the look in his eyes was nothing but honest and kind. At the same time I found myself wondering what would happen after this situation was over. If Alice's vision didn't come true and I managed to stay away from the trouble they had come to warn me about, what would happen then? Would the Cullens disappear and go back wherever they had come from? And would I go on with my life like nothing had happened?

I shook my head at the thought, thinking that this was something I shouldn't worry about beforehand. Hopefully the situation would end in a way that was best for all concerned.

I wondered if I saw Edward during their presence here. Carlisle had been very vague about who had come with him to Buffalo, only stating that not everyone of them were here. He had barely mentioned Edward – only a couple of times – and it made me wonder if he had agreed to come at all. I wondered if he still had feelings for me. It was something I had to be prepared for after I had heard Carlisle telling me the truth about his leaving.

What if he was still in love with me? The thought was nearly impossible for me to comprehend. His words had corroded their way into my consciousness so efficiently that it'd take a while for everything Carlisle had told me to sink in.

It was an excellent excuse to put the matter out of my mind, to believe I needed more time to mull over everything. But I found myself thinking on about it, realizing that it didn't really make a difference - not to me. That girl I had once been, the one who had fallen in love with the beautiful boy who was eternally frozen in time... I felt so far from her.

"What are you thinking?" Carlisle asked quietly, causing me to remember his presence.

He was studying me with his gaze, curiosity in his golden eyes.

"Nothing really," I lied smoothly, wondering if I should ask him about Edward and the state of mind he was in – or the state of emotions he was in. But I chickened out, deciding that the matter would come up later if it was meant to.

I cleared my throat, starting to go through the rest of the questions that had been on mind mind for the past days. "If it is a vampire attacking me in Alice's vision," I wondered, "who could it be? How many enemies did I manage to make when I hung out with you?"

Carlisle shook his head, pondering. "We've been thinking about it," he revealed, casting a quick glance at me. "But so far we haven't been able to come up with anything concrete. Although there cannot be many possibilities, to be honest."

"What do you think?"

Carlisle looked cautious again, as though he didn't quite wish to talk to me about this. I knew he probably worried that I'd get scared or something. "Do you remember the time when James tried to hunt you?" he asked.

"Vividly," I chuckled, earning a confused glance from him because of my relaxed stance towards the subject.

"Can you remember the woman in his company?" he continued. "The one who was with him when they encountered us on the baseball field?"

I frowned, trying to summon the distant memories that had seemed to slip away after all this time. "Uh... She had red hair. That's all I remember."

Carlisle nodded. "Victoria," he stated, causing me to nod.

"Right, her," I murmured, looking at him and waiting for him to continue. "Do you think she could be after me?"

Carlisle shrugged his shoulders, the expression on his face somewhat uncertain. "It is possible," he mused. "Vampires are very vengeful by their nature, and James being Victoria's mate could cause her to seek revenge."

For some reason the word mate sounded curious in my ears. I had to wonder how those things worked between vampires. If a vampire fell in love with another, was it for the rest of their existence? Or could the romantic feelings fade, just like with humans?

But from the way the word sounded as Carlisle spoke it had me believe that it wasn't about something temporary. There was a strange feel to the word, and I found myself wondering where that feeling came from.

I repeated Carlisle's sentence in my mind, realizing I hadn't said anything to him. "You don't seem to be ready to believe it," I stated. "That Victoria could have something to do with this."

"It's the strange timing that troubles me," Carlisle explained, leaning against the back of the bench and crossing his arms. "It seems uncovential of her to act now. Why would she wait several years before making her move?" He shook his head, frowning. "I'm not ready to exclude her, but I'm also more or less skeptical about it."

I shivered. Sitting still for so long caused my muscles to stiffen, but I ignored the cold. "Do you have another theory, then?" I asked.

Carlisle noticed my shivering. "Perhaps it's something we should leave for another time. It's getting late – I've been keeping you way too long," he apologized.

"It's fine," I insisted, surprised how unwilling I was to end our conversation. But another shudder rippled through me, and Carlisle got up, ignoring my complaints.

He offered me his hand, and I hesitated for a moment before taking it and letting him help me up.

We began to walk with a leisurely pace towards my apartment. I found myself slowing my steps, wanting to find out more about everything that was going on. There were so many other things I wanted to ask that I doubted I even remembered them all.

But it was Carlisle who decided to continue the earlier conversation, even though I hadn't expected him to. He gave me a long, searching look before starting to speak. It confused me.

"I suppose it is a possibility that our world has nothing to do with the vision Alice had of you," he mused.

"I told you," I remarked. "I'm very capable of getting myself into trouble without any bloodthirsty vampires at my tail."

Carlisle's small laugh was dry and not at all amused. He took a deep breath, giving me another long look. "I was wondering if you had something in your mind about the situation," he began. "Could you tell me if there's anyone who might have a reason to harm you?"

I mulled over his question, coming up with nothing. "Not really," I answered. "I usually try not to make enemies when I interract with people," I remarked, my comment slightly sarcastic.

Carlisle smiled wryly. But then his eyes were observing me again, capturing me in their hold. "What about the man who walked you home last week?" he asked carefully.

"Adrian?" I asked, my tone boring different tones of disbelief. "No way," I gave a laugh, shaking my head. "He's a good friend of mine. You have no reason to doubt him - I know him better than I know myself."

A small frown furrowed Carlisle's brow. "If you are certain," he murmured softly, not sounding too confident.

"I am." Even the thought of Adrian wanting to harm me made me want to laugh. He hadn't even been able to get rid of that tiny mouse I had once had in my apartment during the short period of time we had lived together. Of course we'd had our fights – huge and ear-splitting, if I may add – but we were already so beyond those difficulties. And even though we still disagreed with each other constantly, it didn't mean those arguments would escalate to the point where we felt the need to hurt each other physically. Even the notion sounded strange.

Carlisle gazed around the quiet streets, a pondering expression on his face. "I suppose we have to reconsider the matter, then," he murmured.

"When you say we," I decided to ask, not wanting to keep guessing who of the Cullens were watching over me, "who exactly are you talking about? Last week you said that not all of your family are here with you."

Carlisle nodded. "That is correct," he answered. A strange expression passed on his face, but it was difficult to read it. "Mostly I've been here by myself observing the situation, but Alice and Jasper stopped by a couple of days ago," he explained. "They aren't in Buffalo at the moment – we have a house an hour of drive away from here. They are currently spending their time there."

It sounded odd that only Alice and Jasper had accompanied him here. I had to wonder where the rest of them were – and would they arrive soon. I thought about Rosalie – the scary, beautiful Rosalie – and Emmett, wondering about their current location.

Not to mention Esme. I tried to summon her breathtakingly beautiful face from my memories, only to realize that it wasn't her looks that had lingered in my mind. It was her good, kind nature that I remembered without an effort.

I cleared my throat, knowing that I'd stay up all night if I didn't find out at least something. "Does Edward know what's going on?" I asked, trying to sound causal and succeeding pretty well. Thinking about him made me nervous for some reason, and the thought about meeting him again at some point was even more unnerving and strange.

"He's aware of the situation," Carlisle answered quietly. "He wasn't with us during the time when Alice had that vision of you, and that's why he found out about our intentions to come here only later."

"He must have been pleased," I stated dryly.

Carlisle gave a small laugh. "I'm sure it unsettled him to know that we were about to interfere in you life against his wishes . But he understands our reason. He doesn't want Alice's vision to come true, either."

We turned to the dark alley that led to my apartment. It must have gotten really late because I was suddenly exhausted. So many things had happened during the evening and I could swear I hadn't talked this much with anyone in ages.

The door of my apartment looked inviting as I began to dig out my keys, but I realized that I didn't want to go inside yet. There were so many things I still didn't know.

Carlisle sensed my inner battle. He gave me a small, reassuring smile. "It's getting late. I'm sure we can continue this conversation some other time," he said. "If that is what you wish, of course."

"Sure," I answered, attempting to answer his smile. I glanced at the trees surrounding the alley, wondering where he had been hiding all this time. I hadn't caught a glimpse of him during these past days as he had watched over me. It made me wonder if I should ask him to come inside – it couldn't be too comfortable for him to spend the nights outside when the weather was getting so chilly, despite the fact that he couldn't feel the cold like humans could.

But before I could pluck up the courage to say anything, Carlisle began to back away. He nodded at me once, bidding me goodnight with a small smile.

My lips opened to answer him, to say goodnight as well, or maybe to suggest that he could spend the night indoors instead of the treetop or wherever he had used to spent his time so far. But as my lips were only trying to form the words, I noticed that I was standing all alone in the dark alley.

A quiet sigh left my mouth as I turned, walking the rest of the way to my apartment. After opening the door but before going inside, I turned to glance at the shadows occupying the dark pavement in front of the small house.

And I could feel a pair of golden eyes on me, watching my every move as I went inside and locked the door behind me.

* * *

**AN:  
**I thought I'd never get this edited, but finally I did. I was supposed post this a couple of days earlier, but I've been so busy I barely have the time to sit down for five minutes. I'm actually looking forward to a rainy day or two to have a proper excuse to hide away with my computer and sit down to write for a couple of hours.

_"You're not good for me, Bella." _Is a direct quote from Stephenie Meyer's book _New Moon_.

Do you have any ideas about the vision Alice had of Bella? Is she being attacked by someone, and if so, who's the bad guy? ;)

I hope you have a great day and you enjoy my story so far!


	4. Fleeting Moments

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)**

* * *

_**"I wanted a perfect ending. **_

_**Now I've learned, the hard way,**_

_**that some poems don't rhyme, **_

_**and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.**_

_**Life is about not knowing, **_

_**having to change, **_

_**taking the moment and making the best of it,**_

_**without knowing what's going to happen next.**_

_**Delicious Ambiguity.**_

- Gilda Radner -

* * *

** Fleeting Moments  
**

That night I slept better than in days. The talk with Carlisle hadn't just cleared the air but it had also cleared my thoughts, causing me to think that maybe his sudden return in my life wouldn't necessarily turn my world upside down. Despite the shadow of threat hanging over my head, I tried to carry on with my days as usually, waking up early in the morning and after swilling down way too much coffee, I walked to the bookstore to get everything prepared for a new day. The momentary recession that had seemed to hit the store a few weeks ago disappeared little by little, and I was glad to notice that my days passed unnoticeably quickly with all the customers keeping me busy.

But with the customers also came the rush. While the days grew shorter, my working hours grew longer. Every night I was more than tired after spending the entire day constantly on my feet when I finally closed the store and walked through the park to my apartment.

I saw Carlisle every now and then, but only briefly, mostly in the evenings when I got back home. We didn't talk much, only exchanged a few quick words if even that – I was simply too tired for any profound conversations. But it was rather easy to notice that I wasn't the one who was being deliberately distant. Carlisle seemed to be more withdrawn and remote compared to the night when we had talked in the park. I nearly thought I only imagined it, because it was so uncommon of him to act that way. But most of the times when I managed to catch a quick glimpse of him when I got home from work, he only nodded at me from a certain distance, the same seriousness in his demeanor than during the night he had come to see me for the first time. After that he usually disappeared, the place where he had stood only a second ago echoing his absence.

I figured he just wanted to give me time to get used to everything, just like during the first days after he had returned. I wanted to believe in those words my mind tried to feed me, but truthfully I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong.

My peaceful dreams changed into less peaceful, and instead of having a good night of sleep, I spent my nightly hours trying to run away from dark figures with red eyes.

Four or five days after our walk in the park, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. At first I didn't know why, but then I heard the sound of raindrops bombarding the window of my bedroom. It sounded more like a flood than an average rainfall. An image of Carlisle huddling somewhere under a tree appeared to me.

"That's it," I muttered and pushed myself up, deciding that the sulking had to end now.

The floor was cool under my feet as I stood up and began to search for a pair of socks. After finding them and pulling them on, I draped a black robe around me and padded my way through the quiet house.

The front door opened with a screech as I peeked outside. It was difficult to see because it was so dark. Only the lights of the street a few dozen yards away illuminated the dreary scenery. I began to clear my throat, wondering if I should just call out for him. I knew he'd hear despite the noise the rain was making.

The loud sound of raindrops rattling against the roof was the only thing I heard as I slipped my feet into a pair of sneakers, taking a step outside. But I had to go back and fumble for the light switch. After spending a moment or two to curse the energy saving lamp that lighted up so slowly, I took a step into the rain.

The small front yard bathed in the dim light, and I looked around me, a shiver rippling through my frame. It was freezing.

I didn't have to call out Carlisle's name. Nearly as soon as I had taken the first step on the wet pavement, he appeared from the shadows, the raindrops glistening on his pale skin and golden hair.

"Bella," he said, sounding oddly alarmed. "Is something wrong? Why are you awake at this hour?"

Water trickled down his face and neck as he neared me. He stopped a few paces away from me, his brow slightly creased from worry. I noticed that his usually golden eyes were a shade or two darker. It made me wonder if he needed to hunt soon. Or maybe his eyes were always darker during the night, reacting to the lack of light just like with humans.

I'd have to ask him about it some day.

"Yes. Something is wrong," I stated, giving him a gaze that I hoped to be fierce. "And it's you. Sitting out here in the rain. I can't stand it."

Carlisle frowned, shaking his head. "The rain doesn't bother me," he insisted.

"But it's cold."

"The cold doesn't bother me, either. My body temperature is too low for it to feel unpleasant."

My teeth began to chatter, causing Carlisle to begin to guide me back inside. I suppose he was afraid I'd get pneumonia or something.

I knew he was probably honest about the body temperature-thing, but it couldn't mean that it was too comfortable for him to stand all night long in the rain. He was just too stubborn to admit it.

"Wouldn't you come inside?" I asked as he led me to the door. "You'd be much more comfortable there. If you have to watch over me constantly, there's no reason why you couldn't do it from indoors."

Carlisle shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Bella," he answered and actually smiled. It was the first smile I had witnessed from him during the past five days.

I sighed, stepping over the doorstep into the warm air. "If you don't come inside for yourself, could you even consider doing it for me? I can't sleep when I know you're out here sulking and moping around."

Carlisle quirked his brow. "I am not sulking," he disagreed.

"Whatever," I murmured, not really believing him. I wrapped the robe more tightly around me, casting a determined look at the man in front of me. "Either you come inside or we both spend the night in the rain. Is that what you want?"

Carlisle ran a hand through his wet hair. He sighed, giving me a look that was somewhat amused. I knew he was about to give up, and so I turned around and walked to the living room, switching on the lights as I went. After a second or two, I heard Carlisle stepping through the door and closing it behind him. He looked around the apartment as though he had stepped inside for the first time, seeming unsure what to do next.

"You're very kind to ask me in, Bella," Carlisle said, "but it truly isn't necessary."

I ignored his words, making my way to the bedroom to grab a towel for him and for myself. My hair was almost completely wet even though I had been outside only for a couple of seconds.

"Sit down," I suggested as I got back, casually throwing the towel across the air towards him. Carlisle grabbed it effortlessly, glancing down at his wet clothing. He was completely drenched.

"I'd better not," he answered, probably worried that he'd ruin the upholstery.

"Oh for crying out loud, Carlisle," I huffed. "It's just a couch."

I didn't know what made me so snappy. I guess it was because the past few days had been so busy and stressful, and that combined to the lack of sleep was just enough. I thought about the dark shadows with red eyes that kept haunting me in my dreams, and I realized that maybe I was more bothered by Alice's vision than I liked to admit.

Carlisle sat down wordlessly, patting the marble skin of his face with the towel. He casted a curious look at me, almost like waiting for more reproaches.

I sat down in the armchair close to him, sighing.

"I apologize if I've kept you up," Carlisle murmured softly. "It was not my intention."

"I know," I answered. "And it's not your fault." I peeked at him under my eyelashes, watching the dark circles under his eyes. "Is there any news?" I asked, deciding that the small talk was the best way to get rid of the tension that seemed to be present for some reason or another. The distance Carlisle had been keeping for the past days confused me.

"Not much," Carlisle answered, shaking his head. A sudden frown appeared to his face as he glanced at the floor for a short moment. "Alice and Jasper stopped by yesterday," he revealed.

I thought about the petite woman with raven black hair. A sudden feeling of longing filled me as I thought of her. Even though the time I had known her had been so short, Alice had been one of my closest friends. I had never had a sister, but during those short months in Forks, Alice had really felt like one.

Then I thought of Jasper. My last encounter with him had been less positive, but I realized I bore no ill feelings towards him. That incident on the night of my birthday had been unfortunate, and nothing more than that. Just unfortunate – it had been simply bad luck that I had cut my finger and caused that reaction in him, reaction that was only natural for their kind.

I felt a sting of guilt, realizing I had rarely considered how the incident might have affected him. Had he blamed himself for eveything that had happened? I didn't know.

"How are they?" I asked, tearing myself away from the memories.

Carlisle began to fiddle with the towel in his hand. "They are well," he answered, giving me a swift smile. But then he frowned again, a pondering expression appearing to his face.

"Is something up?" I asked. "You look so grim."

Carlisle raised his brow, almost as though my words had surprised him. I suppose he was so deep in thought that he hadn't payed attention to his facial expressions.

"Everything is well, considering," he reassured. He wetted his lips, searching for words. "I only hoped that when Alice stopped by yesterday, she could have been able to tell me if something in her vision had changed," he explained. "But she wasn't able to do that."

"What do you mean?" I asked, beginning to dry my hair with the towel. "What do you expect to change? And why?"

Carlisle didn't meet my gaze at first. He stared at the wooden surface of the coffee table before raising his gaze to meet my eyes. "We hoped that the vision Alice had of you would change once we got here," he explained. "I hoped that by coming here to watch over you, we could get an instant confirmation about your safety. Alice has been observing your future ever since she had that vision of you, but so far it has stayed exactly the same."

"You mean she still sees me calling out for help for some reason?"

Carlisle tilted his head, looking like he wanted to shake his head instead of nodding. "Yes," he said. "I had hoped that perhaps only our presence here would have an effect on the future, causing the vision to disappear or to change into something else."

"But it hasn't."

Carlisle shook his head. "No."

I pondered about it, shrugging. "There's no way to know which events will lead to the moment that takes place in the vision," I mused. "I suppose that makes it quite difficult for anyone to prevent it from happening." I frowned, idly beginning to fold the towel in my hands. "Can she tell when it's going to take place? Or where?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No. It troubles her – usually she can easily determine the time, but not now. She explained to me that something makes the vision clouded, almost like the moment is still very far away. Apparently there are too many variables on the way, preventing her from seeing clearly."

"Maybe it doesn't only seem that it's still far away in the future," I suggested. "Maybe it really is."

Carlisle declined his head. "It is a possibility," he admitted. On the outside he seemed calm as usual, but I had to wonder how frustrated he was on the inside.

"Which means that you're possibly going to have to be here for a very long time," I stated, watching his reaction. It vexed me that they had to go through all this trouble because of me. Sure they had all the time in the world – that was one of the pros in being a vampire, I guess – but what also troubled me was that by helping me, they also risked their own lives. It still wasn't certain whether or not there was a hostile vampire involved, but if there was...

Carlisle studied me with his golden brown eyes. There was nothing but sincere kindness in them. "Time doesn't matter to us," he murmured. "We don't care how long it takes, but we're going to ensure your safety. I promise you that."

_And what happens after I'm safe?_

Shaking the silent thought away, I gave Carlisle a small smile. "I appreciate it," I answered quietly. "But I can't help but worry. Not for my own safety, but for yours. What if there is a vampire involved? We've already gone through all that once with James all those years ago. And it was fortunate that none of you got hurt at my expense."

Carlisle shook his head. "You have no reason to worry about us. And I have to remind you that even with James, in the end it was only you who got injured. You ended up with broken ribs and a broken leg, not to meantion the venomous bite. That is why I guarantee you that none of that will happen this time. We will make sure it won't."

His words were so heartfelt that I had no choice but to believe him. And I knew I would have known all that even if he hadn't said anything. My fingers sought the crescent-shaped mark on my inner wrist where the skin was always a bit cooler. A reminder of my past, something that had always linked me to the Cullens, to the life I once could have chosen. Or _would_ have chosen, if that choice hadn't been taken away from me. If that choice had been only mine to make.

"I know all that," I murmured as an answer, wanting Carlisle to know that I trusted them. "But I hate that you have to put your lives at risk for me. It makes me kind of hope that Alice's vision is about me after getting hit by a bus or something." The joke was bad – I knew it before the words left my lips.

I raised my gaze to see Carlisle watching me with a cool expression on his face.

"Okay," I admitted. "Not funny."

Carlisle leaned his elbows to his knees, holding my gaze. "No, Bella," he agreed. "Not at all amusing."

I stayed silent for a while, letting the tension pass. I had to wonder what time it was – it didn't feel like night at all. Even though I should have been sleeping, I noticed I was completely alert.

"So," said, clearing my throat and deciding to change the subject. "If Jasper and Alice are already here – well, not in Buffalo but nearby – does it mean that the rest of your family will arrive as well?"

Carlisle crossed his fingers, staying silent for a moment. "I'm not entirely sure about their location, to be honest," he confessed, surprising me rather efficiently. I quirked my brow at him, wondering how he couldn't know something like that. The Cullens had always been so … _united, _ I guess, and it baffled me to hear that they had gone on their own ways for some reason or another.

Carlisle began to explain, apparently not wanting me to end up with wrong conclusions.

"Emmett and Rosalie are assisting Edward with something," he stated, his words more or less vague. He wetted his lips, seeming to battle with himself whether or not to continue. "They are attempting to find out what Victoria has been up to during these past years. Where her current location is and so on." His tone was a little too casual as he spoke, and it really didn't cause the desired reaction in me.

"They are after her?" I asked, my voice slightly high-pitched. "But..."

"Not after her, per se," Carlisle reassured, gesturing with his hand in a calming manner. "It's not what you think. They are only gathering information and nothing else. They are trying to find out about her recent activities in order to know whether or not she has something to do with Alice's vision."

I let out a breath, but otherwise found it impossible to relax. "What if they find her and discover that she's involved with this? What if they'll try to – ,"

Carlisle shook his head, giving me a reassuring smile. "They'll inform the rest of us before taking any measures," he assured. "They won't act ill-advisedly." He gazed around the room, looking so calm that I had no choice but to have trust in his words.

"Have you heard from them?" I still had to ask.

Carlisle nodded. "They are in contact with Jasper and Alice from time to time. By now it's starting to seem unlikely they'll manage to find Victoria after all these years. Alice hasn't been able to see much of her future. To be honest, I'm beginning to doubt if she's even on this continent any longer."

I didn't know if he only said it to set my mind at ease. His expression revealed nothing – he was either a very good actor or then he was being honest.

I took a deep breath, trying not to get all flustered about everything. The Cullens seemed to have everything under control, and I honestly couldn't understand why I kept worrying about them constantly. Did it mean I didn't have trust in them? I frowned, gazing at Carlisle who had reached out for the pile of books sitting on my coffee table. He began to study them, curiosity in his golden amber eyes.

I knew the answer to my own question. It wasn't about trusting them, because I did. I just couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to them because of me. Before that incident on the night of my birthday, the Cullens had always been so wonderful to me. Rosalie might have been the only one who'd had difficulties to accept me, but otherwise I had gotten along with them very well. Better than I had gotten along with anyone else, including humans. It was ironic.

Especially Esme had always been so supportive. In her presence it had been so easy to forget that I was spending my time with a group of deathly predators. There had always been something very human in Esme, in the way she interacted with everyone. I suppose it was her human past that caused that certain softness and delicacy to appear in her nature...

Wait_._

I frowned, casting a confused glance at Carlisle. Why hadn't he said anything about Esme's whereabouts? Didn't it bother him to be separated from his wife? Or had he asked her to stay wherever the Cullens had lived before Alice'd had her vision, wanting to keep her safe?

Carlisle sensed my stare, raising his gaze from the backcover of the book he was studying. I should have known the books would catch his interest sooner or later. If my memory served, passion for reading was something we both shared.

"It's seems like an interesting volume," he noted, lowering the book back on the table. "Have you read it?"

I shook my head distractedly, frowning again. "Um, not yet. Can I ask you something?"

Carlisle quirked his brow, linking his fingers again. "Certainly."

"Where is Esme?" I asked, deciding to be straightforward. "She didn't go with Rosalie and Emmett, did she?" Worry filled me at the thought.

A guarded expression came over Carlisle's face. "No," he answered. "Esme is elsewhere."

Silence fell in the room. I tried to read Carlisle's expression as he gazed at the coffee table in front of him. The look in his eyes was mostly pensive, but also a little wistful. I had to wonder what caused it, especially while speaking about Esme.

I cleared my throat quietly. "Is everything all right?" I decided to ask, even though I didn't wish to pry. But something in his expression compelled me to ask. The look in his eyes confused me.

Carlisle seemed to wake up from his ponderings. "Of course," he answered, giving me a smile that was meant to reassure.

Lifting my feet from the floor, I bent my legs underneath me. I leaned my elbow to the arm of the chair, resting my chin on my palm. "Does it bother her to be separated from you such a long time?" I asked. "You've already been here for two weeks."

A smile that was more or less rueful began to curve Carlisle's lips. His voice was gentle as he spoke, but the earlier wistfulness returned. His every word exuded it.

"Esme will be fine," he stated quietly, nearly whispering. "My absence won't trouble her. Try not to concern yourself with it, Bella."

A frown made its way to my face. There was something conflicting about the way Carlisle acted. The gentle tone of his voice, the smile on his lips that was a little sorrowful... I couldn't understand what was going on with him.

Confused words were playing on my tongue, but before I could form them, my eyes caught the movement of Carlisle's hands as he crossed his fingers again. Almost by accident, my gaze landed on his left hand.

Empty. The ring finger of his left hand was empty.

There was a sudden feeling of the rug pulled out from under me. I was so confused and even shocked that for a moment I couldn't utter a word.

Carlisle noticed my stare and the way my eyes were fixed upon the finger where the silver ring had once been. He met my gaze as I finally looked at him. I struggled to form words - I struggled to form _thoughts_.

"What's happened?" I asked, having lost all the discretion. "Where's your ring?"

Carlisle offered me a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's a long story," he murmured, a quiet sigh leaving his lips.

I waited in silence, too dumbstruck to say or ask anything else. And I didn't even know if he wanted talk about it in more detal. I was sure that the subject must be unpleasant for him.

I thought about Esme and Carlisle, the unbreakable bond they had shared. The thought of them suddenly not being together was simply impossible to understand. And I had to ask myself: if their love hadn't lasted, what would?

Carlisle observed me as the range of emotions passed on my face. He didn't seem uncomfortable or unwilling to talk about it as I had expected. I was actually quite surprised to see how openly he seemed to relate to the matter.

"I can understand your confusion," he stated softly.

I nodded, fumbling for words. "Yeah," I murmured. "It's difficult to comprehend. I mean... I'm sorry," I eventually stuttered, having no idea what to say.

Carlisle's smile was soft. "Don't be, Bella," he answered. "It happened a long time ago. I've made my peace with it."

I kept staring at him, unable to understand how he could take it so calmly. The word neither or us had said out loud was too common to describe all this. The word divorce – it sounded so ordinary and even plain in my ears. It had no way to define whatever had happened between them. Define the ending of something that was supposed to be constant. Everlasting.

Carlisle's demeanor was calm and serene, but I couldn't help but remember that odd seriousness I had sensed in him a couple of times. Now I had an explanation for it, for that quiet sorrow that passed in his eyes every now and then. And how could he not be sorrowful – after spending several decades with someone, after loving that person year after year, decade after decade, it was impossible not to mourn for the loss of it.

"It's... I can't wrap my mind around this," I heard myself mumbling. "I'm sorry," I said again.

Carlisle's smile was sympathetic. "I once was as well," he said softly. "But the feeling left me a long time ago. And not everything has changed between Esme and me. Some things have, but not those that really matter."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Carlisle gazed around the room, his eyes landing on the row of photographs on the table under the window. "I mean that Esme and I are on good terms. And we always were – that particular thing never changed."

Now I was really confused. I couldn't understand how that worked. How could you experience the ending of a relationship with someone and be on good terms with that person the entire time? I though about me and Adrian. Even though we were good friends now, it didn't mean that the end of our relationship had passed without any negative feelings.

Carlisle sensed my confusion. I guess it wasn't that hard not to since I was still frowning profusely, trying to wrap my mind around everything he had told me.

"Perhaps I should start from the beginning," he suggested.

I hesitated, not wanting to force him to talk about it if he didn't want to. But Carlisle seemed approach the subject very openly, not seeming at all reluctant to tell me more. I thought I couldn't have been able to relate to the matter so effortlessly.

"About six years ago, we lived in Alaska for a short period time," Carlisle began to explain. "We have friends there, a coven similar to ours. Did Edward ever mention the Denalis?"

I pondered, shaking my head. "The name is familiar, but that's about it." I shrugged, wondering how many things I had forgotten along the years.

Carlisle nodded. "They are our close allies. Or family, more likely. They share our view when it comes to protecting humans and refraining from our natural diet."

I raised my brow, surprised to hear that there was another family of vampires out there who fed on animals instead of humans.

"In any case," Carlisle continued, leaning against the back of the couch, "Esme and I traveled there after receiving a request to aid them with something. I contacted Edward, along with Rosalie and Emmett who were somewhere in Russia at the time. Had I been able to reach Jasper and Alice, the situation that awaited us in Alaska possibly wouldn't have surpised us that much." He gave a dry laugh. There was little amusement in the sound. "Alice could have been able to warn us, perhaps."

"Where were Alice and Jasper?" I asked.

"Traveling around Africa," Carlisle answered. I had a sudden image of Jasper dangling from a liana somewhere in the depths of a rainforest.

"I don't know if Alice already knew about the unexpected situation that awaited us," Carlisle continued. "She probably did, but was unable to communicate with us at the time."

I waited in silence, studying his expression. "What was the unexpected situation?" I asked cautiously.

Carlisle drew in a breath, leaning his elbows to his knees. "On a hunting trip, the Denalis had encountered a nomad vampire somewhere in the mountains. He was rather uncivilized – untamed – even though he wasn't that young."

"Young?" I asked. "You mean, like a child?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No. I mean that he wasn't a newborn – a vampire who is still at the very beginning of his new life. The thirst is at its worst during the first months, even to the point where it's nearly uncontrollable."

"But the nomad wasn't like that," I stated, making sure I had understood correctly. "A newborn."

"He wasn't," Carlisle confirmed. "But even so, he was having difficulties to control himself." He fell silent for a while, staring at the wall across the room and evidently reliving those moments that had taken place six years ago. "An untamed vampire like him could have been dangerous," he explained quietly. "For us and the Denalis, but above all, for humans."

"What happened to him?"

Carlisle met my gaze, giving me a reassuring smile. "The Denalis had a reason to believe that even though this nomad had been living his life without an ounce of control over himself, he hadn't been doing it out of evilness. He just hadn't had any way to know that there was an option to the way he had been living."

"That's why the Denalis asked for your help?" I guessed. "To teach the nomad about other ways to live?"

Carlisle nodded. "When dealing with a vampire who is more or less erratic, it's always safer for all concerned when there are enough other vampires present to control the situation. Even though the nomad was very eager to learn and grateful for our help, there were a couple of times when the situation could have ended very badly. Luckily Jasper and Alice arrived to help us after some time. Jasper's ability to control moods proved to be helpful, not to mention Alice's visions. "

I nodded, trying to picture everything in my mind, only to realize that it was pretty difficult. I didn't know anything about teaching vampires about self-control. It was a pretty challenging thing to imagine.

"Did he learn eventually?" I had to ask.

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "It was mostly because of his own determination. He had never wanted to harm people – it was just something he had gotten used to doing. He was very relieved to learn that there was another way to live, and his positive attitude towards the matter made the task a lot easier. It took over a year, almost two, but eventually his self-control began to improve. He's still unsure about himself around humans, afraid that he might harm them. But he's come a long way, I have to admit."

In my ears the story seemed to have a happy ending, but I still had a feeling it wasn't completely over yet. And I still didn't know what it had to do with Carlisle and Esme and their decision to go on their own ways.

Carlisle reached out for one of the books littered on the table, but I noticed he didn't focus enough to look at it more closely.

"Did the nomad decide to stay with the Denalis?" I ventured to ask after Carlisle had been silent for a while.

He raised his gaze, but his eyes were fixed upon something over my shoulder. "For a short moment," he answered, speaking slowly. "But eventually something compelled him to leave. Because it wasn't the Denalis he was destined to spend his life with."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Carlisle met my gaze, wetting his lips before continuing. His voice was quiet. Strong, but very quiet. "I mean Esme," he stated softly.

It took a while for me to understand what he had said. And a while more until I managed to put everything together. But it still didn't turn out more understandable. I played his words in my head again, trying hard to comprehend what he was trying to say.

My head began to hurt. I didn't know if it was because it was the middle of the night and I was supposed to be sleeping, or was it because I was sitting in my living room with a nearly four-hundred-year old vampire who just told me that his wife had ditched him because of another man.

Wait. What?

"What_?"_ I heard myself asking, only able to stare at him and wonder if I had misunderstood.

Carlisle waited patiently, observing my expressions as his words began to sink in.

"But..." I shook my head, unable to understand. I had never thought that Esme could do such a thing – to Carlisle of all people. When I had last seen them, they had been happy and very much in love, even after all that time they had spent together. I had always thought that time couldn't affect the Cullens the way it affected other people. That love between them was something that didn't fade as the years passed by. That it only got stronger with time. Not weaker.

That's what I had thought.

A mental image of Esme, a frail memory blurred by years, rose to my mind. I remembered those few times when I had seen her interacting with Carlisle, and I couldn't doubt the fact that they had shared something rare. Something some people never managed to find. How was it possible that something like that had changed?

I knew sometimes you were a slave for you own heart. You didn't choose the person you fell in love with – it was something that couldn't be decided rationally. Because love wasn't rational.

But still the thought of Esme falling in love with another man seemed almost inconceivable. What baffled me even more was the way Carlisle seemed to take it. He might have already dealt with it and moved on – that's what he had said. That he wasn't sorry anymore about the things that had happened.

But still... Could anyone ever go through something like that and survive unscathed?

I met Carlisle's eyes; he was still watching me.

"I'm curious of your thoughts," he stated with a soft voice. "You look like you are shaken to the core."

I cleared my throat, biting my lip. "I guess I am," I stated, shrugging. "I don't understand how Esme..." I paused, shaking my head. I didn't want to sound judgemental, but at the same time I wondered how else to react.

"What you have to understand, Bella," Carlisle began quietly, "is that Esme never had any intention to cause me sorrow. She was equally helpless in the situation as I was. As anybody else would've been."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

There was patience in Carlisle's golden amber eyes; kindness. I couldn't understand where he got that.

"These things sometimes happen among vampires," he explained. "Some live through centuries, even milleniums without experiencing it. But those who are fortunate enough to encounter it... Well, it's needless to say that they should feel extremely blessed for finding it."

"Finding what?" I asked, not sure I understood. "Love?"

A curious expression came over Carlisle's face. "In a sense," he answered, searching for words. "I'd say it's something more complex than love. Not that I am willing to understate love and the meaning of it," he added, rubbing his chin with his fingers in a pondering manner. "But what happened between Esme and that nomad wasn't just love. In that instant when they saw each other... there was just something that passed between them, something the rest of us may have witnessed but only Esme and Miguel truly felt. Experienced."

"Miguel?" I asked, realizing it was the first time Carlisle spoke the nomad's name.

He nodded.

"I'm still a little lost," I confessed, mulling over his words. "What is this thing, exactly? Why does it happen between vampires? And why is it more complex than love?"

Carlisle's shoulders rose to a shrug. "Nature works in mysterious ways," he mused. "Even with our kind."

"So," I paused, straightening my form in the chair and trying to improve the blood circulation in my feet. I had been sitting down for too long. "So basically what happens is that you see this certain person and just instantly fall in love?"

"In a sense," Carlisle answered, hesitating. "I've been told that you feel this indescribable pull towards that person who is your mate. And I've also been told that the feeling is difficult to describe with words – that you have to experience it to know. But I suppose you could say that in that moment when you meet your mate, an instant bond – or a union – is formed."

"And that's what's happened between Esme and that Miguel guy," I stated, causing Carlisle to nod.

"Yes," he answered softly.

"And it's not like... voluntary in any way?" I asked. "This mate-thing...It's sounds cruel that your entire fate is decided during one fleeting moment."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Carlisle's lips. "I suppose life can be that way sometimes," he murmured. "Those things that happen in that one short moment can sometimes seem like cruelties. But they can also be blessings. It depends on how you are looking at it."

His words were wise, and I found myself admiring the way he saw the world. Even after everything that had happened.

"So you're not at all resentful?" I asked. "About everything that transpired?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No," he answered. "Of course I was sorrowful, at first," he admitted. "And I felt like I lost a vital part of my life, of my very essence, to someone else. But I could never resent Esme because of what happened. She was choiceless in that situation. And she felt guilty about it – for a very long time. But when I said earlier that nothing has truly changed between us, I was being honest. The love between her and me hasn't gone anywhere. It has simply changed into something else; friendship."

I nodded in silence, not sure what to say. I still felt a little off balance, trying to absorb everything he had told me.

"So this mating bond-thing happens only between vampires?" I asked, causing Carlisle to nod.

"Yes," he answered. "Those stories among humans telling about soulmates aren't completely unfounded, I suppose."

"Soulmates," I muttered, nearly scoffing. "And here I thought those things happen only in books."

A small smile made its way to Carlisle's lips. The twinkle in his eyes was almost playful. "Do you not believe in soulmates, Bella?"

"I believe when I see it," I stated, giving him a wry smile.

It was silent again. Only the sound of raindrops pattering against the window was heard. I glanced at the darkness outside, covering my mouth with my hand as a yawn escaped my lips.

Carlisle glanced his watch, nearly grimacing. "I've kept you up way too long," he apologized, rising up from the couch.

"Don't worry about it," I brushed it off, also getting up and dropping the moist towel in my hands on the coffee table.

Carlisle began to walk towards the door, apparently intending to go back outside into the rain.

"Why wouldn't you stay?" I suggested, causing him to stop and quirk his brow.

I gestured towards the window. "It's still raining out there. You don't have to go back outside."

"I don't wish to disturb you any more than I have," he answered, running a hand through his moist hair. "And you're wonderful to ask me to stay, but - "

"You're not disturbing me," I insisted, cutting him off. "But of course if you feel uncomfortable staying, then I guess..." I shrugged and fell silent, quirking an eyebrow at him.

A small laugh left Carlisle's lips. "Of course I'm not uncomfortable, Bella," he stated. "Why would you think of such a thing?"

"Then stay," I insisted, not wanting to be up all night and think about him standing in the pouring rain.

Carlisle seemed to run out of excuses. He gave me a consenting smile, nodding his head.

I was just about to bid him goodnight and go to my bedroom when an idea popped into my head. Gesturing for him to follow me, I knew how he could make his hours pass more quickly.

Carlisle followed me after a short moment of hesitation, a confused expression on his face.

"I don't want you to die of boredom or anything," I stated dryly, leading him past my bedroom to the end of the short hallway. Opening the wooden door, I revealed him the room that was possibly the dearest place to me inside this house.

The room wasn't too huge, but it was bigger than my bedroom. All the four walls were covered with shelves, every corner and available space filled with books. There was a small couch resting in the middle of the room, a rectangular wooden coffee table situated in front of it.

"It's my library," I told Carlisle, turning to see his reaction. "I know it's a little tiny, but..."

Carlisle was gazing around the room, a small smile playing on his lips. "I should have known you have one," he murmured almost as if to himself, ignoring my latter sentence. He didn't seem to think little of my collection of books, even when I knew he probably had twenty times more himself.

"Knock yourself out," I smiled at him, turning to leave. "I'm sure you've read most of them during you long life, but maybe you'll find a few you haven't seen yet. Like one or two, maybe."

Carlisle smiled at my jest. "I'm sure there is something I find intriguing." His eyes were already scanning the amount of books, a look on his face that was very familiar to me. It was the look of enchantment, one that only books could induce in certain persons.

"This is wonderful," he turned to say before I left. "Thank you, Bella."

"Think nothing of it," I answered, turning to leave. A pleased smile played on my lips as I made my way to my bedroom, crawling under the covers. I suddenly wondered what I'd have said if a month ago someone had told me that there'd soon be a vampire wandering around in my tiny library, reading my books. I probably would have laughed and not believed it.

To be honest, I still had trouble believing it.

* * *

The enticing aroma of coffee drifted into my nostrils, gently arousing me from sleep. My eyelids were heavy and it took a while until I managed to open them. Suppressing a tired groan, I pushed myself up from the bed. Only the strong smell of coffee made me do that – without it I probably would have just thrown my alarm clock out of the window and continued my slumber.

As tempting as the smell of fresh coffee was, I teetered my way into the bathroom first, rushing through the shower and other human moments. After putting on my clothes and trying to solve the tangles in my hair, I made my way to the small kitchen that was attached to the living room.

The golden-haired deity was standing in front of the window with his back towards me. When I arrived, he turned to give me a small smile.

"Good morning," he greeted.

I mumbled something incoherent back at him. Apparently even the shower hadn't managed to wake me up properly.

Carlisle gave me a confused smile, gesturing towards the coffee maker. "I took the liberty to make you some coffee," he stated, taking a step closer to the counter to pour me a cup. "It seems my effort wasn't entirely pointless."

I wondered how tired I looked. Our little chit-chat last night was really taking its toll.

"Thank you," I sighed, accepting the coffee he offered. I could have hugged him because he had bothered to make it, but I chose not to. It'd be inappropriate. "It was sweet of you."

Carlisle didn't respond, only gave me a small smile.

I sat down at the small table under the window, nursing my coffee and looking outside. It was still dark.

"The rain stopped," I noted, still not able to say anything more constructive.

Carlisle was leaning casually against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed over his chest. "Yes," he answered. "Approximately around five." He searched me with his gaze, an apologetic expression coming over his face. "You seem tired. It was foolish of me to keep you awake last night."

I shook my head, brushing off his apologies. "It's fine. It was nice to talk."

Carlisle nodded, hesitantly pulling himself a chair opposite of me. He sat down, a small frown furring his brow. "You've seemed to be more tired that usually," he noted cautiously. "Not only this morning but during the past days as well."

I quirked my brow at him, wondering how closely he had been observing me. It was difficult to know since I had barely caught a glimpse of him in several days.

"I've just been busy," I answered honestly. "With the bookstore and everything."

Carlise nodded. "Yes, I've seen you going there. For some reason it wasn't a huge surprise to learn you work in a bookstore," he stated, giving me a small smile.

"Actually," I sipped another mouthful of coffee, enjoying the strong aroma. "I'm not just working there. I own that bookstore."

Carlisle couldn't hide his surprise. His eyebrows nearly hit his hairline, but then a warm smile began to curve his lips. "That is wonderful, Bella," he said, seeming genuinely happy to hear it. "I wasn't aware."

I shrugged, giving him a smile. "Neither was I when I first came to Buffalo. I had never even fathomed the idea of owning a bookstore. It was something that had never come to my mind. It was a bit crazy to buy it after the previous owner retired, but I haven't regretted it one bit."

He smiled, a glimmer in his eyes I couldn't quite decipher. "How long have you owned it?" he asked.

"A little over a year," I answered. "But I had already worked there for a couple of years before buying it. So becoming the owner wasn't totally a jump into something unknown."

"How is everything going?"

I shrugged again, giving him a small smile. "Okay," I answered. "The money is sometimes tight, especially when it's really quiet and the customers are scarce. But luckily it never lasts too long. I'll always manage, somehow."

I drank the rest of the coffee, rising up from the chair to pour myself another cup. Carlisle was one step ahead of me, standing up from his chair to reach out for the pot. I thanked him quietly as he refilled my cup. As I sat down again, I gave him a curious look.

"You know," I stated casually, "for someone who doesn't drink coffee at all, you're pretty good at making it."

Carlisle gave a small laugh, also sitting back down. "One tends to learn a thing or two over the long deades." He turned his gaze at the window, looking outside into the darkness. The warm smile on his lips began to fade slowly, a pondering frown appearing to his face. I wondered where that sudden change of mood came from.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

Carlisle gave me a surprised glance, the expression on his face smoothening. "Everything is well," he answered. "I was only contemplating the situation." He was silent for a moment, turning to meet my questioning gaze. "Alice called last night," he revealed.

I quirked my brow. "Did she have any news?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Not much. Edward, Rosalie and Emmett still haven't found a sign of Victoria. They are beginning to consider whether or not they should continue searching for her."

"So it's beginning to seem unlikely that she's got something to do with this," I stated.

Carlisle nodded, hesitating. "We can't be sure about anything, but perhaps it's time we begin to consider other possibilities."

Frowning at my coffee cup, I wondered if there was anyone else who would go through all the trouble just to get rid of me. It seemed unlikely that even Victoria would suddenly want to do it after all these years.

"What are these other possibilities?" I asked, still wondering why I wasn't scared out of my mind. If some bloodthirsty vampire was planning to end my life in one way or another, logically I should have been a little more worried than I was. Maybe I just didn't know how to fear anymore – I had to admit that it was a dangerous quality considering how accident-prone I was.

I glanced at the clock, cussing quietly before Carlisle managed to answer my question.

I knew I probably shouldn't have worried about being late from work since there were more urgent matters to be discussed. But Carlisle gave me an understanding glance, promising to tell me more about it later.

"Although I don't have much to tell," he admitted, a frustrated expression passing on his face. "For weeks we've been trying to find out more about the situation, but we aren't much wiser than when we began. All we can do is make assumptions."

I went to my bedroom, grabbing my coat and a couple of papers I needed today, and then making my way back to the living room. I pondered Carlisle's words, thinking that there had to be something mysterious about everything if even the Cullens had difficulties to make heads or tails of it.

"Maybe things will sort themselves out," I said, trying to stay positive and not worry about it too much. "They have a tendency to do that."

"That is true," Carlisle admitted with a smile, but he didn't sound too confident. He began to make his way to the door as I put out the lights and switched off the coffee maker.

"I'll walk you to the bookstore," he offered as we stepped outside and I locked the door behind me. The day was slowly dawning, but it was still a little dark. It felt nice to have someone walking with me instead of walking alone. Not that I was scared to walk alone, but because it simply felt nice to have some company. It was only then when I realized how lonely I got sometimes. Loneliness had never bothered me that much, and I had gotten used to it very quickly after Adrian had moved out. But now I had to admit that Carlisle's company was welcome.

The cold wind permeated my clothing as we walked through the silent park towards the busy streets. Even though it was still early, I saw a few people milling around the streets, some of them carrying steaming cups of coffee.

"I was wondering," I began, breaking the comfortable silence between me and Carlisle, "if you've been constantly keeping an eye on me even during the daytime and seen me going into that bookstore, how come you've never come inside?" I gazed at him as I walked, watching his reaction.

He met my gaze, his shoulders rising to a small shrug.

"I considered it," he admitted. "But I didn't wish to disturb you. I saw how busy you were."

I nodded, giving a small and maybe even a little relieved laugh. "I already began to think you're avoiding me or something," I confessed.

Carlisle raised his brow. "Why would you think of such a thing?" he asked, evidently confused.

I shrugged. "For the past few days you've just seemed like you want to keep your distance."

A small frown furrowed Carlisle's brow. We walked a couple of steps in silence before he answered. "I suppose I have," he admitted eventually. "But only because I had no wish to be of disturbance. I can ensure your safety and watch over you from a distance without interfering your everyday life. I feel that it is enough of interference that I had to let you know of my presence. But I simply couldn't justify it for myself to keep you in the dark."

I tried to read his tone, wanting to know if he said what he did for my benefit or his own. Did he want to keep his distance so that once this whole situation was over, it'd be easier for me to go on with my life like nothing had happened? Or did he say that so _they_ could go on like nothing had happened? It was almost like he was drawing a line, stating that all this was just about keeping me safe and nothing else. Maybe it was.

Or was he giving me the chance to draw the line, allowing me to decide where it should be?

I knew I couldn't draw it. Not right away, at least. And it was silly, because I had known this topic would come up sooner or later – I knew I should already know how I felt about everything.

Trying to solve my thoughts, I eventually decided to speak my mind. Honesty was the best policy. Wasn't it?

"I'm still trying to absorb the fact that you're back," I confessed, searching Carlisle's eyes. "And I'm still going through everything you told me in the park a few days ago. About the real reason why you left Forks, and... everything. It's not easy to instantly change the way you think about something if you've believed everything to be entirely otherwise for several years."

Carlisle nodded, a regretful frown furrowing his brow. "I understand." He gazed down at the pavement so I couldn't see his expression.

"I still may be confused about everything," I continued, causing Carlisle to glance up at me again. "But I know that I have nothing against you being here. I'm just not sure how you feel about it. I don't know if you're apologizing for your presence because you aren't sure how _I_ feel about you being here, or are you regretting the fact that you _have to _be here. And it makes this even more confusing." I paused, looking into Carlisle's darkening amber eyes. "And if you feel like you want to watch over me from a distance and not interact with me... that's fine. This doesn't have to be about anything more than that if you don't want to."

I took a deep breath, beginning to run out of air.

Carlisle listened to my outburst without a word. He ran a hand over his face, an apologetic expression coming over his face. We reached the bookstore, stopping in front of the display window near the door.

"I did not mean for my words to sound that way," he murmured. "The distance I've been keeping has been because I've been feeling guilty about causing this interference in your life. Not because I've tried to avoid your company." He paused, holding my gaze for a moment. Then he glanced at the small building that was my bookstore, gesturing with his hand towards it. "I look at the life you've built for youself, Bella. And I cannot help but admire it – admire you. But I also fear that by our presence, we will ruin everything you've worked so hard for." He turned to look at me again, searching my eyes.

I took a step closer, on an impulse reaching out to take a hold of his cold hand. "You came here to warn me about danger. You didn't come here to ruin the life I've made for myself, but to preserve it. You came here to make sure I was safe. Am I right?"

Carlisle didn't say anything. He stood still for a moment or two, eventually nodding wordlessly.

"Guilt is a useless feeling," I continued. "And needless, especially when it comes to this matter. So don't waste your energy on it." I tightened my hand around his, only then realizing that I was actually holding it. Letting the smooth surface of his skin slip from my grasp, I took a step backwards. Because holding his hand was inappropriate. Wasn't it?

Carlisle smiled softly, nodding at my words again. "Thank you, Bella," he said quietly, even though he had no reason to thank me for anything.

I gazed at the display window of the store to avoid his intense gaze. I didn't know why I felt the need to to do that. Looking into his eyes suddenly felt too intimate - too inapproriate - just like holding his hand had been.

My eyes landed on the row of books I had arranged behind the window several days ago. _Destined, _it read on one cover. For what? I wondered to myself.

Shaking my head to get rid of the thought, I began to search my pockets for the keys. I turned around to go to the door, unlocking it and giving Carlisle a questioning glance.

"Stop by in here whenever you feel like it," I suggested. "It must be boring to sit out here all day long. Wherever it is you hide all the time."

Carlisle gave a soft laugh. "I will," he promised.

I gave him a swift smile, stepping inside and turning to glance at him one more time.

But the place where Carlisle had stood was empty. I searched the streets with my gaze, watching the groups of people strolling around the sidewalk on their way to work or to school. But the man with pale skin and fair, swept-back hair was nowhere to be seen.

I closed the door behind me with a smile. And as inappropriate as it was, I suddenly remembered the feel of his cool hand in my own.


End file.
